Jesus; we're at 600

 Actually it's more like 610 right now, but I wrote this at 600

I think that I can safely say that this straight up snuck up on me out of nowhere. Here I was entirely absorbed in the daily grind, blog after blog, never really paying attention to the number, and then I looked it up just a couple of days before the milestone. (That's the reason why this is actually a little late, couldn't fit it into the schedule) In some ways I suppose it was inevitable for me to make it this far, what with the rate at which I pump these out, but I have to be honest that this wasn't always the plan. At the beginning I made it very clear that I only intended to post at least once a week, but man has that turned around! Once a week feels like an eternity now. I don't what I'd do with myself in that time. Go crazy and get institutionalized, probably. So whilst I forever refuse to stick to anything formal (for strange reasons of my own) I suppose this is a pace I intend to keep. For or against my own good.

The world's not much changed, has it? Well, I suppose there's some places around the world with the good fortune to get a break, but down here it's like we've rewound to March. (Of course, I'm referring to how own little neighbourhood global pandemic is shaping up.) We've got lockdowns for the next 2 months at least, and it's certainly making it hardy to imagine the gradual transition out of this on the other end. How the heck am I ever going to enter a public place without putting a mask on first? Simple, I probably won't. Ever again. Apart from that, however, the only real effect is that it's now socially acceptable for people to cross the street at the sight of me, which suits me just fine to be honest. I am British, afterall, being standoffish is part of the deal. Yes, antisociality has really served me well these past 12 months. (and no, that's not a word) Yet being here, getting to speak with the void of these blog pages, that's been enough for me, weirdly enough. (Maybe I should have kept to a diary... Nope, I just reaffirmed my position. Diaries are useless trite to a book.)

This blog, rather conversely, has changed. Albeit a little, and gradually, that none might notice. If you care enough to look back you might notice how the lengths of these blogs look kind of uniform of late, and that's because I'm getting a little strict about keeping them a similar length. I mean, since the beginning I've always had the rule that they couldn't be shorter than 8 paragraphs (With the rub really lying on how long I make those paragraphs) but now I'm starting to reach a point where I rarely let them go beyond that either. Now bare in mind, this isn't response to some received feedback, I've never even got a single piece of feedback on this blog once, but a simple reflection of my own. And a forced change. Call it a mix of both. 50/50. Firstly, I started to get a bit more uniform in my daily routine, actually doing things at certain times that wasn't just writing. (I also do personal writing, so my free time is generally pretty shot) This gave me less time to spend on blogs and meant I had to be concise when writing these. And secondly I just decided that no one would really read the big blogs anyway. Not that anyone reads these small blogs either, but I'm trying to get a little empathetic here; that's a big step for me, let me have this.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I dislike writing long blogs either; that's not it at all. Some twisted part of me feels pride over the way that, many months back, I literally sat up from 1am in the morning to 11pm essentially just writing my 100 paragraph review of 'Shadow of War'. It was exhaustive, exhausting and so much fun to make. I loved going over ever single little story point and throwing my own take on things and poking fun at a pretty decent narrative, all while taking breaks in order to judge the game properly for it's merits and shortcomings. It was just so involved, and it really created this feeling of closing the page on that story for me, if you understand that at all. Unfortunately, it was also stressful as all heck, and willingly submitting myself to that for a blog which no one reads? That seems asinine. And besides, I can do better.

It's a commonly accepted adage that 'oftentimes more doesn't always mean better' but I think when it comes to writing that it almost universally the case. Writing stories; the suspense works best when the reader is starved, writing a script; the more words you write for folk to say the less they are doing. Now I've come to believe that may be the case with reviews too, because I'm starting to see the value of trimming things down. Again, I love going story point to story point and there'll undoubtedly be a time when I return to that, but reviewing isn't about covering and assessing every single aspect of a project, but in assessing the whole package and what benefits it and what harms it. There are times when I miss something out, and before I go to add it I stop and think "Is there really a place for it?" "I forgot this for a reason, so unless it's a detriment it probably isn't worth taking to mind." If the imaginary people who read my words do so to hear about the things I like and get my opinion, than it makes sense not to force myself too much and permit the natural flow to take hold. That's something I slip into quite easily, and can fill up 8 paragraphs surprisingly fast. (Yes, I'm doing it now.)

And now comes my great shame; unless I'm much mistaken I haven't published a single researched blog in these past 100 days. Now were I an excuse making man, I'd say that may desire to clam up the length of blogs just squeezed out the room for the long form research articles; but that's simply not true, I just didn't make that time. Research blogs, if I ever get around to them, shouldn't be constrained by my desire to be concise, and I've never considered doing that to them. I just gawk everytime I think of the effort that goes into making them. For that very reason I've had the same 3 or 4 topics hanging over me for ever and I know I need to get around to them sooner rather than later. Heck, I'll get around to critiquing fan fic before I get to them at this rate; and I have no intentions of falling that low anytime soon. (I'll at least wait for April)

What else can I talk about... well I'm writing a game. That's not usually something I'd say to people, for fear of getting hopes up. In fact, this is the first time I've said that outside of my own head, but again; I'm speaking to the void here. (It's a great listener.) And when I say 'writing' a game, I'm of course talking about a text-based adventure sort of story, because I think it's pretty clear where my paltry talents lie. I think I started it with the resolve that, I'm not out to make something great, nor to carve out my new career path of anything; I just want to contribute a little piece of art to the industry that I love. Even if that art turns out looking like an explosion in a word-printer factory. I'm of a mind that if I can publish a video game- or rather, a game; (Not really a visual artist, so 'video' and indeed 'pictures' at all will likely be out of the question.) then I can pass on feeling as though I was worth something. Maybe not much. But something. Not to say these blogs aren't fulfilling, they aren't, but the game idea feels particularly worthy. So that's what I'm doing.

So that's about everything from this little fireside chat. (The ironic part of that statement is that I'm currently sitting in a room and freezing my nuts off with absolutely no heating whatsoever.) Writing this, I'm starting to see a much more contended version of myself than I usually do in these 100 day assessments, which, if I know anything about dramatic irony, means something just horrible is going to happen to me really soon. (Balance out the universe, you know?) Maybe that optimism has rubbed off on my blogs in some unconscious way I'm unclear on? I dunno. Oh and for final remarks... Ah, I just watched HBO's Barry a couple of weeks back; why don't more people talk about that show? It's great. So... I guess watch that? Hmm, that seems weirder than when I recommend video games for some reason... You don't have to watch it. It is really good though... and that's about it. See ya.