What even is Frog Fractions?

 Who needs psychedelics? 

Yeah, I mentioned it yesterday which means it's now my duty to talk about it today. Talk about what exactly? The in-depth litany of differences between the varying wingspans of continental dodos? It would be as inkeeping to the spirit of sensible discussion as anything surrounding the enigma of a project known only as Frog Fractions; because good lord let me tell you that if you've no idea what that game is and are curious I have but two things to say to you. Firstly; the game is actually free on Steam right now so go and pick it up for yourself, there's literally no reason not to. Secondly; go in with a mind wiped both of expectations and presumptions about what it even is that makes a game. I say that because Frog Fractions is simultaneously one of the interesting and impenetrable games that I've ever laid eyes on. I both want to crack it's hard shell to glean the treasures beneath the surface and cut my power cables and roll up into a ball under my desk to cry. (Unfortunately my Desk is also my dresser, so I can't roll under it. Thus I'm stuck talking about this enigma of a game.)

What can you say about the game that has everything? How about a good old; 'All that glisters is not gold' and nothing is ever quiet as it seems. Or perhaps everything is exactly as it seems. Does it matter. Does reality exist? Do you or I? None of these are questions proposed directly or, I think, indirectly by Frog Fractions; and yet these are the thoughts I come away from. I think that's actually just a consequence of a title both ludicrously high concept and intentionally directionless. I know, completely conflicting ideals. That concept I described doesn't even make any remote sense. And trust me, neither does Frog Fractions or anything to do with it. And that's perhaps the beauty of it, something with so much effort clearly put into it, yet dedicated showcasing pure insanity with an utterly straight face. There's something to respect in that commitment, if nothing else.

So first of all you might be thinking "Frog Fractions? Is that an educational game?", to which I will immediately strike with a "Yes! Well, actually no." You see, Frog Fractions absolutely presents itself in the exact fashion of those old school, and terrible, education games that we all like to pretend we were never subjected to in our youth. I mean there is one educational game that I played the heck out of and still attest to this day is a classic, but thankfully I never have to directly address that bold claim because there's no way I'll ever find it after a quick google sear- (Oh my god it's Dinosaur Adventure 3D. I found it. My nostalgia is almost making me tear up right now. give me a second. Wow, that was a wild derail, back to the blog.) In Frog Fractions you sit on a lily pad as a frog and use your elongated tongue to swat bugs out the sky that are trying to eat your apples. Hmm? Where's the educational part of that? Oh, each of the bugs are worth a fraction of a score which adds up in the corner. Which... I mean I guess that's kinda educational... If you bother to pay attention to the score... look, the point is that's just the cover of this game; there's so much more!

So before I go any further I'm going to stop myself and reaffirm; you need to play this insanity. Right now, before I ruin it's secrets for you. Here is the link to the Steam Page where you can pick it up, I remind you, absolutely free. As god intended. Twinbeard Studios put this up as a free browser game all the way back in 2012, and the recent death of flash prompted them to move to a more easily accessible form of distribution. (Because I'm pretty sure I'm one of perhaps three other people in the entire world who actually has the off-browser version of flash installed) So now the Game of Decade version sits as a monument throughout time for one of the greatest mock jobs that ever lived. Once more, there are no excuses. Okay, now that's out of the way can I go through the hilariously insane way this game managed to go off the rails? Because it starts in a world of colourful innocence. A bright and happy pond scene with dubious educational value wherein you, a poison dart frog I think, have the highest pixel count of anything on screen by a decent margin. It's a simple world, eating insects, protecting fruit, and furrowing your brow as the score meter rapidly solves your most simple fraction in regards to score without ever sharing with an integer. And then you start upgrading.

Makes sense for these sorts of static 'protect the thing' style games. Upgrades make the experience more fun. So you get a lock on, turtle-back lateral movement, and then- a cybernetic brain which turns the score from fractions into decimals? That's all it does. And the decimals are oftentimes needless power-ofs that are actually overcomplicated from the decimalisation! (I know I'm the only one who cares about that, but there it is.) You also have the option to: uninstall lock on because 'chicks don't dig cyborgs'? The entire premise of this Frog Fractions adventure, is the idea that you start off with a simple concept and pile on absurdity after absurdity until the original idea is completely unrecognisable. It's this fantastic game of compounding silliness that strikes humour in the same way that a lot of modern absurdist comedy does; by lacking coherency and almost mocking those who seek it. Oftentimes this is, rather disparagingly, labelled as the humour of the 'meme-generation' and 'millennials'. Seen as low effort or bargain-bin jokes. Some of which is certainly true, but most of which is the point. The impressiveness, as I see it, comes in the extent to which you commit. And Frog Fractions commits to the absolute bitter end.

Once you turn your lateral movement turtle friend into a dragon, capable of moving in any direction, suddenly the insects that are invading your pond start shooting projectiles at you. Yes, this has now become a bullet hell game, just like that. Your mission to protect 3 or 4 apples per round to pay for meagre upgrades also hits a snag once you realise that the next upgrade costs 25 000 fruit. 25 000. And you make maybe 5 a round. How in the hell are you supposed to- oh, and then you find a secret hoard of fruit under the water that takes your total up to, and I quote, 'Like a billion'. Completely invalidating the whole game you've been playing up until now and reinforcing the fact that this game is going to keep messing with you, just for the giggles. Of course, if you had any doubts about that, they'd be wiped once you actually buy that 25 000 fruit upgrade and are suddenly thrown in a Star Fox inspired space shooter. Because that is what has become of your edutainment game and that isn't even the weirdest turn.

We're talking about a story that has turns of text-based adventure, decision-based interrogations and even an elongated documentary-style rewriting of the history of boxing as a sport wherein two pugilists enter a ring and "regale each other with stories monotonous for days on end until one of them fell to the ground of boredom or exhaustion." Unless... is that the real history of boxing that we never knew until the historians over at Frog Fractions dug it up? Seriously though, I think everyone must have their favourite 'joke' in this gaffe filled extravaganza of a game, and the boxing history is mine. I love how overly developed of a narrative it is, going into the names and histories of everyone involved in the 'history of the gentleman's game of Boxing' in a pitch-perfect documentarian's voice bolstered by a lavishly dry documentary-style script. There's obviously so much more to this game, but it would be a disservice for me to just walk you through it. Again, you need to try it out. Seriously.

I can always appreciate a artist who isn't above telling a joke, even throwing vast amounts of effort and time into layering a magnificent cake of jokes for all to enjoy. And though the creator has done so for free, for those who really appreciate the game and want to see more, alongside the Steam release of the game, Twinbeard included a paid hat-wearable DLC which not only goes towards supporting the creator, but carries a secret within it that is well-worth the small asking price. In an industry of storytellers that always seem to take themselves just that tad too seriously, even when they're making a joke, I present to you a product pure, unburdened and just silly. Don't you want to loose yourself in something just silly for an hour or two? Frog Fractions, everybody! Have yourself some fun.