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Somehow Fntastic has returned

Saturday 28 September 2024

Somehow Fntastic has returned

 

A solitary message emanates across the dark folds of the universe, spreading a shrill dread amidst all it touches- a promise, a threat, an augur of a future ever more twisted and perverse then even the most dour could presume. And in that moment that dead receivers crackled to bear a dead voice from beyond the deep, did all existence know their turmoil, their strife, was spent not in vain- but in service and rhythm to the coming calamity they should have feared this entire time. Yea, let it me known that somehow, beyond reason and sanity, the worst has come to pass and Fntastic has somehow returned. Oh yes- that Fntastic- using the exact same name and holding themselves in their own regard, has rocked on up out of the woodworks and I am shook.

If you somehow did not know about them- Fntastic are a company that gained notoriety for showcasing the most unrealistic looking Division-esque zombie game of all time. That is to say 'unrealisitc' as in- there was no way this studio could be something like this together what with the quality of the fidelity and the cluttered world space- in what was supposed to be an MMO by a small time studio. Float around the dredges of Kickstarter for even a few weeks and you'll see thousands of diminutive studios brag about their next big MMO (the hardest genre of video game to produce short of actual blockbuster mega hits) that carry big cartoonish art styles that carry a mere fraction of a fraction of the processing power to render when compared to the models from the proposed 'The Day Before'.

Most people in my neck of the woods knew it for an overambition from day one- from the cringe 'faux teamchat' initial trailer to the ultra-suspicious raytraced light bouncing of puddles in the middle of Times Square- but I wouldn't have predicted it to be a straight out lie back then. That reality dawned later with subsequent trailers that all seemed to deftly railroad impressions and focus on strangely bizarre aspects utterly meaningless in real game design and marketing- such as the deformation of mud under the wheels of big trucks. But then release day came and we released that even those preliminary trailers were an absolute lie- the game was a pathetic cash grab and the developers were spooked out of their own grift and ran after a day whilst refunding everyone.

I cannot stress any more how much of an absolute disaster this was. The game was nigh on non-functional, the developers dribbled all over themselves to try and pretend what they put together was anything more than utter garbage and how they were the victims of an organised hate campaign by Youtubers looking to capitalize off their downfall- these delusional idiots conjured up fake feedback of enthused praise uttered by the voices in their head for absolute waste product of a game they developed. They lied, they misdirected, they grovelled, and when it became clear that they could actually be legally liable for scamming if they tried to keep this up- they refunded the game and ran off into the middle distance never to be seen again.

Almost never.

Because here, in the year of our lord 2024, I am looking at a Kickstarter game for one 'Escape Factory' and unless the very real possibility of this being a copycat is proven true, this very much seems to be Fntastic's ignoble return to the game design world. The brothers are at in again, those... just disasters to humanity. All in attempt to secure $20,000 in pursuit of a party game which- to be frankly honest- looks a damned-sight more achievable for a team like this than their previous aspirations. But does that mean I'm going reward their fumbling as a botched marketing ploy? Hell no, screw them! Don't let behaviour like this be successful! Ever!

In the tiny credit, the post does no go long without acknowledging the past- if rather duplicitously not mentioning any specifics so the lazy observer can just shrug their shoulders and assume it's not so bad. "Help Fntastic return" the very first paragraph reads: "We need your support once again to bring Fntastic back" Back from where? Their self imposed and fully deserving exile? Or their complete lack of industry trust which renders them incapable of finding a publisher or even half curious investor leading them to beg for crowd money? Which is it? Oh, but don't worry because they are "Sincerely sorry about everything that happened and are committed to making things right". Now here is the thing about apologies....

We love apologies, apologies are great- but they have to feel real. Fnastic are famous for replaying to one frustrated Twitter denizen with "S**t happens" mere days before disappearing into the ether. "Everything that happened" was a failed scam performed entirely by them for which only they are to blame for- for which this particular apology neither details not accepts tacit responsibility for- and as for "Making things right"- how? By making a completely different game and asking those same people you scammed to fund it? Because by the wording of this they expect readers to be familiar with them, presumably former victims, and you want to make things right by taking their money again? What a joke...

For me the real sticking point is the gall that this duo thought they could ride the notoriety of their name into some sort of success. They didn't need the name Fntastic- but they spent so many years grifting that sunk-cost-fallacy tells them they need to turn that into some success somehow. Does Escape Factory look like another scam? No- but with a team like this you never know and that is the problem with a liar. You can also rely on them to be dishonest but you can never take their word. That's about the sum of Fntastic right now. And to those that already pledged $492 their way? Stop it. Let them wither and die like they deserve.

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