I'm going on a rant. Can I go on a rant? I haven't really tried this out on the blog before but I'm biting the bullet this time. I never thought that one of the series that I would start on this blog would be focused on executing rants but I do have a few things to get off my chest and what better forum is there than here. As such I've devised a little irregular blog topic wherein I ponder on those little nitpicks that do more than irate, but illicit actual rage from the player. (I.e. Me) Maybe that will open up an opportunity to talk about ways these gameplay decisions could have been avoided, or suggest improvements. But even if neither of thus are feasible; at least I'll find it theraputic enough to rave to myself on the Internet. (Is there any more noble a sport?) Although, just to be clear; I'm talking specific aspects of games that drive me wild, even when the rest of the game is solid. (Afterall, there's no point ragging on bad features of bad games.
With all that said; you guys remember Fallout 4? Back when that game was still fresh I remember losing my mind over a great many features and baubles that Bethesda dangled in front of us with those damn trailers, with one of the more esoteric points of excitement being the way that the engine improvements allowed for whole new enemy animations. Now this may sound like a small thing, but being such a huge Fallout fan as I was I knew that this was huge! Previous games suffered from an ageing version of Unreal engine that made enemy attack animations very stiff and limited, whilst this new iteration would allow for the zombie-like Ghouls to literally hurl themselves through the air at you in a much scarier way. In many ways this was a complete overhaul of the monsters themselves, completely changing the way they acted and fought resulting in wholly different experiences.
At the time I remember quaking in my flip flops, fearing what sort of crazy change this would make to some of Fallout's most fearsome foes. Super-mutant behemoths would be terrifying! Mirelurk kings might actually present a threat! But most exiting of all, was imaging the world of difference this would do to the ironically blood-chilling Deathclaws. The change would be game changing. And it was. It changed the Deathclaws from being one of the most intimidating threats in the Fallout universe into a mild inconvenience. Yeah they hit hard, but they moved like a drunk dumpster now, they somehow became more predictable and dodge-able. (I miss when they just charged up to give you the biggest hug!) Of course, there was one iconic Fallout monster for which this change had the opposite effect, and you guessed it; It's the humble Radscorpion.
Now Radscorpions were nothing to shake a fist at in the old Fallout games either. Mutated Emperor Scorpions that had somehow spread across America and reigned terror on the people of the wasteland with their huge pincers and poisonous stingers; they weren't exactly teddy bears. In Fallout 3 they were quite the intimidating sight for the early adventurer, boasting resistance to most kinds of damage and, confusingly, no damage bonus in their stingers. (But it's so tempting... why shouldn't I shoot it?) Even by the late game they retained their scare-power with their powerful 'albino' variants. But they were ultimately a manageable threat every-time, you know that all it was going to take was patience, speed and a big-ass-gun. But that all changed when the Fallout 4 nation attacked.
"It just works" Huh, Todd? It just works? Is 'working' what you call the abomination upon humanity that you all call 'the modern Radscorpion'? In Fallout 4's development I can only imagine that someone in the team suffered from a small bout of concentrated malice injected directly into his psyche, an affliction he or she decided to relieve by significantly altering the formula of the Radscorpions into easily one of the most dangerous threats in the Commonwealth. No, actually I changed my mind; Radscorpions are the threat of the Commonwealth. Forget the Institute and Synths, that's baby stuff, what we should really be worrying about is the potential annihilation of the human race at the hands of immortal, teleporting Arachnids. Radscorpions are what would happen if the Pillarmen were innumerable and even more pitiless. Rumours say they can't die because even Satan doesn't want their ass down their. If Thanos snapped his fingers, the entire Radscorpion population would survive it as they are master to no one, not even infinity stones. (I'll stop.)
"You're blowing things out of proportion again, you unhinged loon; tell it like it is!" Oh, you doubt me? You dare doubt the supremacy of the Radscorpions? Let me enlighten you... In their revised Fallout 4 incarnation, Radscorpions move at three times the speed of the player (Makes sense, they're giant arachnids, afterall) but their transportation has another horrible quirk to it. You see, on the absolute off chance that you manage to break line of sight with them (Which you'd have to be freakin' Usian Bolt to pull off) they've borrowed the burrow ability from the molerats. Essentially this means that they burrow underground and then teleport beneath you before coming back up again. During their time submerged, Radscorpions are invincible, can cross huge tracts of land instantaneously, and reserve the right to hit you with their stinger in the same action as resurfacing. Speaking of getting hit...
Radscorpions not only do an unreasonable amount of damage (to be fair, that was always sort of their MO) but they also wave their stinger around like they're worried it's going away soon. (Which it most certainly is if I get my hands on the scaled bastards!) Their stinger hits with the kind of poison after-kick that puts 'New Vegas' Cazadores to shame, (and I never thought I'd say that) it's quick acting, strong, and in higher difficulties one sting can straight up kill you if not treated. Also, there's no cure so the only way to shrug off the poison is to pump a Stimpak and hope you out-heal it. (That's how medicine works, right? You don't address the problem, you out-heal the patient. I think I read that somewhere...) So we've established that the Radscorpions move incredibly fast (basically just teleport), overuse a supremely overpowered ability on the player and, to make matters worse, can cheese-hit you with that ability whilst teleporting. Can it get worse? Of course.
You see, enemies like this are not uncommon in games. Strong, fast hitting enemies are great 'oh crap' fodder for enemy design and titles tend to make use of that. That's why in every Dark Souls game there is one boss with a flaming sword and an overabundance of adrenaline to ruin your day. (Okay, maybe Dark Souls 2's 'Pursuer' doesn't exactly have a flaming sword but the principle is the same.) It works like this; the enemy hits fast, hits hard, but is a glass cannon. There has to be that weakness tacked on at the end otherwise you'll start feeling like this prison is hopeless. Seems no one told that to the Bethesda team, however, because they gave no such weakness to god-scorpion-san. Radscorpions are almost entirely laser proof this time around, the lasers literally bounce right off their shell. They are resistant to bullets, rad damage and even fire doesn't seem to burn them like you'd hope it would. (Then again, I suppose if concentrated lasers didn't work that's sort of a given, huh.) Your only option is to hit them like a truck, resistances and all, until you've expended an entire armoury worth of bullets into them; at which point they become so damn heavy from all the extra weight that they keel over and die. That is the only option.
To say that I hate these enemies is an understatement. I totally despise their entire existence. They feel like they were made for an entirely different game altogether, (one with dodging) and the only way they can be decently fought in Fallout 4 is by exploiting the heck out of the mechanics. And if you think that's bad; don't even try to imagine how painful they are in Fallout 76. In that game the developers had the presence of mind turn down their poison damage (thank god) but apparently not enough sense to remove their ability to spawn in packs. In fact, due to the way spawning works in Fallout 76, it's possible to come across a goddamn colony of them roaming the woods. If you're wondering "Wait, if all this is your thoughts about handling one Radscorpion, how in the heck do you manage a pack of eight?" You don't. You die. A lot.
So how could the Radscorpions of Fallout 4 and 76 be improved? Just get rid of the teleportation, honestly, it feels cheap. Imagine facing off against the last game in a Battle Royale only for him to teleport underneath you and whack you with a deathblow; you'd feel pretty robbed and that's literally every Radscorpion encounter ever. To be clear, this would in no way make them a fun enemy to fight, but it would at least make it feasible to approach them in your own way. (Something that Bethesda games use to promote.) As it stands, these monsters can only be taken down by overwhelming force, nothing else works. Running away? Nope, they can teleport. Stealthing? Nope, the second they take damage they teleport to it's source. Avoiding althogther? Kinda, but they have a bad habit of spawn surprising you anyway. So kill the teleport, and maybe one of the resistances, (There is no reason why bullets wouldn't crack their shell) or just cull their entire species altogether. Actually, yeah, do that last one. Okay, I've ranted myself back into relative sedation now. Screw Radscorpions, and I'm done.
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