So this is Christmas

 And what have I done?

Another year over... and I can't remember the rest of the lyrics so I'm just going to stop that right now. 'Felix Navidad'. everybody, and all that good fine stuff that we pretend to be all happy and excited about. But don't worry, it is so very easy to turn the perception of excitement into the real tangible thing if you just squeeze tightly and devote yourself to the heart of the cards! Ops, am I being a debbie downer again? This time of year does that to me. Gnawing at the receptors in my brain and tipping my humours all over the place. Dark in the afternoon, cold in the mid-day, terrible music out of every store; I've always found this time of year felt more like a dirge mourning the year so very close to passing; after which you're just unceremoniously dropped in the next moment, briars twisting up from inside your gut as you realise that vacation you settled into is all but used up. It's January now; reckoning time!

Of what of my reckoning? What is due for me in the new year? Well, for the first time in a long time I'm feeling cautiously optimistic. One of the few humps in the largely downwards coaster that is my outlook on this life. Not because of what I've already done with this blog, mind you, but because of what I think might be possible with it, and it's achievements, in the months to come. Which is my way of saying, I'm not entirely sure if I'll even be able to keep up the one-a-day pace I've maintained on this page for so very long that I honestly don't won't to look it up so it won't make me feel totally depressed. The vast spectrum of utility this blog serves for my personal well being, up in this headspace of mine, does not extend so far as to cure my acute Chronophobia, unfortunately. 

Although speaking of things that I have done; would you believe I've actually finished my first entire fictional story? It is nothing special, only a short story covering 5 chapters and the concept slides adjacent to what one might consider Fan Fiction, though I loathe all the embarrassing connotations such a label summons. I shun those hallmarks of the genre (self inserts, drifting narrative focus, paper thin characters) quite vehemently whenever I write, but it doesn't matter what you say; you make a piece of work based on an established lore and it's over for you, buddy! Self respect goes 'bye bye'! If only I had any modicum of personal confidence or self belief, I might be scared to actually ever try to make something I might consider decent which is also a Fan Fiction. And I sure as heck wouldn't talk about it on this publicly accessible blog, regardless of how few people actually read it. But I do lack all of those things, and I have no respect. I could shrivel up and fry under the mid-day sun and the Earth would scarcely know that I was gone. Although... now I've got a full piece of written work under my belt, so that's something at least.

Maybe in a way I see it as my only personal rebellion cry out to the cold vacuum of the world: "I exist and I can write mediocre fiction, world!" Maybe it's the idea of actually being alongside with something from inception to adulthood, simulating my latent paternal desires which will surely wither and dry up as I do down here in this pit of existence we've labelled 'Croydon'. (Urgh, a more dull and dire pit of hell I cannot even begin to envision.) And maybe my fan fiction is just a way of giving back to a story I quite like. Nothing more complex or intricate than that. But I'm delaying, what was my Fan Fiction about? Quite a popular franchise actually. One I've spoken of here quite a bit and one which is actually on it's way to try and break into the mainstream with a TV series. That kind of makes my Fallout fan fiction seem even smaller in the grand scheme of things, honestly.

Yes, Fallout. Universe of the apocalypse mixed with fifties futurism and stirred up into a darkly twisted comedy franchise which is slowly getting worse as the game go on but we forgive them because we remember how good it was in the middle there. I was spurred to tell a story of the Fallout world not so long after I finished my heavily modded New Vegas Playthrough. Despite saving 'The Frontier' until the end (urg, what a bizarre finale mod...) I simply adored what I consider to be my most interesting playthrough of a game I've enjoyed for over a decade now. I loved my time so much, in fact, that I didn't want it to end. Or at least, I didn't want it to end without the right send-off. In a way that was what this story was, a character send-off for the Courier that I lived with. (Even if he is never referred to as 'The Courier' throughout all 5 of my chapters because I'm sadistically hostile to my own creative function, apparently.)

By the standards of the usual things I write and abandon, I consider the narrative to be complete and the story to be told. I do sort of flip a narrative concept on it's head and end the story 'in medias res' whilst giving the beginning a very flat and traditional introduction, but that's not to 'leave the audience wanting more' so to speak. It's more to highlight the significance of what the story is actually about and not the actual physical events themselves which serve as the vehicle of- why am I explaining this here? You don't want to hear about my limp narrative techniques! At the very least I should do that in a dedicated blog. You want me to wish happy new years upon you and send you on you way; of which I will do... in a bit, just let me rattle on a bit more!

Because you see, I'm at a crossroads. This story I have exists on my hard-drive and my email, and is floating about in a few other places. I haven't posted it online yet. After I get an external look through for editing, it is my intention to just slap it up somewhere. Maybe Fanfiction.net maybe the other one. Maybe both. But what about here? Would that be weird? I mean- we don't have a concerted topic of conversation that we never deviate from under any circumstance around here or anything- but we also don't really dive into original fiction stories either. But I just feel like it's right, in a way. I started this blog for many reason, one of which being that I've tried several times to start a diary and just can't find interesting enough things about myself to jot down there. So I talk about stuff I do find interesting, be it pop culture or significant world events or current events analysis or arbitrary reviews. But would putting my own fiction on here be a step to far?

So much of myself it already present on this blog, but the barrier of the man I portray when I write is like the only vestige of pyjamas I maintain between myself on my posting. Genuine fiction shatters that thin fabric and leaves me bared, open to judgement. I'm afraid what I'd be sharing about myself, even if it is in a silly little fan-fiction story about a man who wanders without a destination. I don't know why I'm airing my doubts. No one will respond. But it feels good to write. Like I said, this is my diary. Just a public facing diary I speak out loud in the middle of a public park whilst people walk past and pointedly ignore me. I think I will probably upload it here, but in January. Give myself a five day break for all my hard work writing the thing. You'd let me have that, wouldn't you? Whatever- Felix Navidad. You can go now.

Christmas 2021: Here we are again.

 You're joking, you're joking: I can't believe my ears! 

It's that time of year again. You know, the one that everyone talks about in the songs and things. Even in the songs where they say they hate it, although are still willing to go and croon about it for three minutes straight for whatever reason. The night after the nightmare before. The single contractual working day for immortal do-nothing-slob Tim Allen. The envy of all of Tamriel's traditional celebration festivals, due right on Evening Star. The thing that Master Chief knew he had to get done first before he 'finished the fight'. The time of year when elder old buff gentlemen start falling off rooftops in Cairo just before a brutal massacre occurs in a split second and a 100 year bisexual vampire starts floating next to a teenage Japanese delinquent. The ideal time of year to find New York city policemen crawling around your vents. And that forgettable day for which every resident West of Loathing dons their well aged spittoon hats and joins hands in celebratory fear of the great cosmic death cow invasion force from the heavens. I'm talking about Crimbo.

But Crimbo hasn't come this year without leaving a good twelve months worth of brutal destruction in it's wake, pretty much touching every corner of society. Whilst this remains a gaming blog, however, I don't have to worry about other parts of society and unless that part of society decides to start a cryptocurrency and the talentless, sludge-like hacks over at Ubisoft start pouncing up and down like starving hyenas. And so I'm free to do that most lazy of Christmas blogs and just talk about stuff that went down this year in preparation for the next one in a sort of giant exhale of breath. Just letting everything out at the end of this year before the start of the new one, like any sensible mud slinger should. Like a final grand detoxification, what follows will be a purer year with a better me and less stories about NFTs, please god I can't take them anymore. We good? Let's go.

And first of all we have that classic update on the problem of the current generation. We're about an eighth of the way through this generation and people still haven't had a chance to adopt it widely because of mounting supply chain issues. Playstation 5s and Xbox Series X's are myths of the most annoying calibre, and I think most developers are really starting to sense that. When was the last time you saw someone other than a first party studio excitedly whisper about the future of gaming tech? No one wants to jump forward to sell their games exclusively on platforms where it's going to reach a vast minority of their fanbase and it's leading to this great stall in technological innovation. But then remembering how iffy the experimental years of a next generation usually ends up being, maybe this new status quo is for the best? I'm trying to squeeze my lemons into lemonade, okay; just like Jeff Bezos taught me. 

Speaking of Ser Jeffers, his little start-up company got out their first game, didn't they? Well, actually I guess it's not their first game, more like the first good attempt. (Let no one ever forget the abject disaster that was The Grand Tour video game) New World is the new MMO of the year and as much as I hate to admit it, the game did make some numbers when it first launched. Those record numbers have staggered a little now that everyone is chomping at the teat of Final Fantasy XIV, but they proved their little experiment has the staying power to be around for a fair few years, so now we can officially induct another morally bankrupt company in the pantheon of influential video game developers. (I like to nick-name them: The Council of Awful.) Of course, for me they'll be remembered always as the MMO that pioneered such a bad economy that it forced their community to resort to a bartering system, and then turned around and said this was how the game was designed to work from day one. (Keep on making eyebrow crossing-worthy headlines, Amazon, you're great at it!)

This year has to have had easily the worst blockbuster game month of recent memory. Every year we have this crazy month wherein all the big releases try to get themselves out just before the Christmas rush, the end-of-quarter financial report and the award ceremonies. (I'd imagine that last one is the very least of their worries) Typically you'll get one of the big year releases be a mess, I can't remember the last time it was all of them. Battlefield 2042 was a practical joke played on it's audience for how bad it was, Call of Duty has a campaign so bad that people are starting to rethink their stance on Ghost's (the online portion of COD seems deeply split on critical reception, with haters and lovers) and Grand Theft Auto released legendarily bad remaster/remakes of their classic games. At least Halo Infinite dropped an undeniably solid free-to-play online mode- ahh, but the progression is so screwed that the team are having to spend their Christmas breaks planning how to fix everything when they come back. (The AAA's really dropped the ball this year, huh?)

NFTs have been a big surprise reveal this year, for their total co-optance into scam culture the world over. It seems they were spawned from a semi-optimistic idea to makes the art world more accountable and rewarding to artists, but that lasted all of one weekend before everyone started slobbering over themselves to turn this into a multimillion dollar generating JPEG flogging venture. Ubisoft have been kind enough to pioneer in this field for gaming (literally the only innovative concept they've heralded in the past decade, and it's this. For shame.) Ubisoft have managed to springboard from their many controversies, outside of the absolute state of their games, to being the laughing stock of the industry, likely not helping the apparent 'mass exodus' that has been occurring for many top level staff over the past year and a half. Oh, and Josef Fares said he'd rather be shot in the knee than buy into this stupid NFT trend, further proving what an industry treasure that man is.

And last but by no means least, Merry Christmas everyone from the Middle Kingdom because China has officially banned Steam. (They literally did it on Christmas Day) As far as I can tell that's a ban for the international version of Steam and not their own vastly reduced version of the platform, but it's still a blow to the many Chinese gamers who just aren't interested in playing the handful of decent titles that are there (like DOTA 2 and CSGO) and would prefer to get involved in this whole 'global community' thing we've supposed to have going on in the modern century. Despite their assertions to the contrary, China's government has taken an antagonistic stance regarding videogames and it stands to threaten us all eventually. I've said enough on this topic before, so let me just return to enjoying my cultural opium like the addict I am.

Which brings us to the bitter end, the longest stretch of nights just off the eve of the equinox. 2021 bows out with an ominous growl and an outstretched hand, promising new delights and worse lows, but at least it's something different. On one hand there's a bunch of super cool games that are lining up for next year, and some of them aren't even going to be exclusives to the crappy Epic games store! But on the otherhand we seem to be on the cusp of some very cringe-worthy developments on the wider gaming industry that are surely going to become full blown ballbusters as the year unfurls. (And I thought that Steam banning NFTs was a bit kneejerk at first. Now I'm surprised to say that was decently prescient of them.) But what's the point of being alive if you're always fretting about the future, I say; so let's just ignore the bad and focus on the now. Speaking of, I have a wall to go stare at for the next few hours by myself, so imma get back to that. See you next year.