Some part of me just filed away the Borderlands movie into 'cancelled' territory without a lick of evidence to back up that assumption. I just subconsciously breathed a sigh of relief that such a bizarre and seemingly doomed concept was never going to seriously make it to film and went about my day a free-er feeling man. And a fool of a man. (Fool of a Took!) Because the game obviously hadn't been canned in the days since Randy Pitchford invaded the set with a handcam and giddy schoolboy's temperament. That wasn't even really part of the marketing cycle, just Randy being a wierdo, so I can't even be upset we've had to wait this long to hear anything and feel vindicated in my writing it off. I just straight gaslighted myself and the unpleasant grimace of realising that impending asteroid I thought we dodged is actually still headed in a collision course has been plastered across my face since watching the trailer.
It started with seeing the poster for the movie doing the rounds online getting a straight flashbang about the aesthetic the movie is going for. So it's official- no post processing whatsoever- what we see it what we get. Which is kind of a bummer if I'm being honest. Without a doubt one of the most memorable aspects of the Borderlands franchise is it's visual identity hinged on the heavy-line cell shaded dynamic, perhaps one of the two only examples wherein such a processing trick has been sought-out not just to mimic an 80's pulp comic aesthetic. I did wonder for a while how such a technique would work running in an ostensibly live action movie, but judging from that poster look of the cast posing like a crew of high budget cosplayers- they're playing it straight with this one.
I'm not personally sure whether or not this alone has deprived the project of something, or if that would have just been a crutch in lieu of a popping visual eye if they had kept in the cell-shaded approach. Because either way, the movie does not seem to capture the same primary starkness of Borderlands, in matching tone and environment. Upon realising that the trailer had released at the same time as the poster, I subjected myself to the full thing to see if the team had made it work without and... I'm not blown away. I'm not entirely repulsed either- but sometimes being caught between the middle of two extremes is the worse way to feel. I mean it's great for the movie makers, who can use this as a chance to either blow me away or let me down horrendously- but I feel absolutely no innate confidence that makes me trust in the project.
Borderlands over the past few years has been undergoing something of an identity crisis as the games lost that spark of wittiness that populated the franchises' most celebrated age. That perception of Borderlands as 'the funny shooter' game doesn't seem to have survived through Borderlands 3's life cycle of products as fans have been treated to the core game itself- which often mistook 'annoying' for 'quirky' and 'sex reference' for 'wit'- Tiny Tina's Wonderlands which felt undersupplied with content for many out there and is often overlook consequentially, and 'New Tales from the Borderlands' which inherited the legacy of Telltale's funniest game and perhaps Borderland's as a whole's funniest outing, and missed the mark completely. They missed out on the character writing, the emotional heart of the themes, the knowledge of what makes a joke and situation funny and just the general layout of what would be an interesting and engaging narrative. It feels like a lame sitcom about crazy weed-fuelled lunatics written by a team that have never touched a bong in their lives. The 'hello fellow losers' energy is wild.
All this has left a certain vibe off the Borderlands franchise, the stale waft of faded glories clogging up the franchise like salary men who still show up at their fraternity house warming parties expecting not to get tackled to the dirt by campus security. (Was that appropriately American enough of an analogy for you?) And to be completely honest with you- I don't actually detect an abhorrent amount of that on this trailer. Don't get me wrong, it looks like a rough facsimile of what the games represent, and the 'humour' hasn't even coaxed so much as a wry smile out of me from the trailer highlights, but I wouldn't call it terrible- which is a shock and a half to me!
Oh, and please don't misconstrue my lack of disregard as positivity- I am certain this movie is going to suck. It presents absolutely nothing interesting in a world defined by interesting characters doing interesting things. If Borderlands was just about shooting and blowing things up all day, the games would not have lasted as long as they have, Borderlands is about the way you shoot things up- the crazy creatures you're fighting, the creative guns your shooting, the flashy powers you're popping- of which this trailer bizarrely displayed none. I mean, we didn't even get to Roland drop a turret, let alone see Lilith use any of those Siren powers she's supposed to have! Speaking of- I didn't happen to see any of Lilith's siren tattoo's... are we... are we not doing a reimagination? Or have they reimagined the game so much as to reconstruct what Siren's even are? Lilith is already a bit of a boring character, she'll be especially dull without her defining powers.
And aside from that, there are the little things that don't quite line-up tonally. For one, I think the trailer is being narrated by Patricia Tanis, but it's hard to tell considering their choice of actress of Lilith, Cate Blanchet, sounds a lot like Jamie Lee Curtis in her delivery. But assuming it is Tanis, there's very little character in the lines she's been fed. Tanis from the games is a once promising scientist driven past her breaking point to a state of airy apathy after being exposed to the rigors of Pandora and it's unhinged residents. The narration sounded just like an older woman reading a trailer script- it was uninspired. And another little thing- their 'funny' line of "We have something they don't, baby girl- major issues." Irks me in a couple ways. Firstly- you're on Pandora- a planet defined by a population of 100% psycho lunatics. Everyone has issues in that scenario, the line is incorrect. Secondly, and I know this is being mean, her delivery of 'Baby girl' is so damned weak. I know it's unfair comparing the acting prowess of an actual actor like Ashley Burch with a... wait, no this girl is an actor too... would it kill her to try and act like Tina? Just a bit?
I know there are going to be people who love this film when it launches. It has that campy vibe which will resonate with the kind of fans of Borderlands who still find the tired joke format and delivery of 'loud guy is loud', 'corrupt guy is corrupt' etc- funny. But personally, I smell a movie that is going to be totally lacking in value behind it's referential content. Deprive this movie of it's Borderlands connection and it'd be called another boring shooting movie with a few cool design decisions but an ultimately uninspired delivery. And yes, that was me pre-reviewing the film before it's even made it to cinemas- and we'll get to see how well that sentiment ages when it drops! (I'm pretty foresightful on these kinds of 'adaptation' films. I think I've got a decent shot!)
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