"The constraints of my deal, surely have a backdoor!" - Yves Guillemot, probably.
It's barely been a few weeks since the launch of Suicide Squad Kill the Justice League and already the game is losing steam. The shock factor of how blatantly and callously it achieves it's name sake is undercut by how lacking in core content the game is and how unworthy of the Rocksteady brand it appears to be: such to the extent that people are going back to relieve their fond memories of Arkham Knight more than they are playing the new Suicide Squad according to Steam charts. Which would be an ingenious way to boost past games sales if it weren't for the millions of invested revenue into the mess of a new game compounded by the probable loss of future profits from the lost customer trust that this failure has resulted in. And now as if to put the matter slowly to sleep, the very next doomed-to-fail game is rearing it's way our direction at mach speed.
There hasn't been much on my end to talk about when it comes to the old awaited multiplayer pirate game 'Skull and Bones', and that's probably because even as far Live Services go- the game feels so Ubisoft-ingly generic that there's nothing worth discussing. Although given recent preview events I guess there has been some general updates from the crowd that would actually be in to this kind of game, and not just the old curmudgeons like me who spend our time throwing banana skins at Ubisoft everytime they take the stage. ("BOOO! Get off the stage! Where's the show-man ship? Where's all the finesse?") And the feedback? Actually a lot better than I expected. Not glowing, but it seems there's something of a sub-standard Ubisoft game here to play- which is more than enough to satisfy the entertainment starved prisoners that Ubisoft call their audience.
I mean the early game looks a bit rough, but there's enough going on at the endgame to at least sink a few mirthless hours into before you realise your heart stopped beating several hours ago- which is about my experience with most single player Ubisoft games so I'd say this one is right on track. It's still a niche product entering a much despised genre at a time when people are good and done with all of it's crap- but a small game like this might get a few pity players from the kind of folk who have had no recent pirate games to sink their teeth into except for 'Sea of Thieves'. Not that this game really captures all the wonder of 'piracy', what with it's ship-only focus- but I concur. Games like this can find a little bit of footing when they go around for a nice 20-30 dollars. Hmm? It's 70? Oh dear...
Yes, I realise that 70 is the price point that most developers think is acceptable, and though I take that as an excuse to clean up my back catalogue whilst I wait for all the storefronts to come to their damned senses- in their twisted and warped logic the 70$ dollar tag is a stamp of exclusive luxury. You spend the most on the highest value products, afterall. However, there does come some expectation of delivery when you make such a promise. You can't just deliver average slop and call it a 70$ game without getting a bit of a clap back now! And there comes a point where putting a price tag like that might as well be erecting your own great wall of China around your game and then wondering why there's no player base. What on earth could justify that?
"Skanks & Banks" was actually brought up at a recent investor call with that price tag called under scrutiny by someone with a working frontal cortex, unfortunately it would be someone lamentably without who rose to assuage him. CEO, and professional gaslighter extraordinaire, Yves Guillemot donned his most tacky snake-oiled stained top hat for this one. "It's a really full, triple- Quadruple-A Game that will deliver in the long run" the con man said, presumably whilst nervously fidgeting with the brim of his top hat and traying to avoid direct eye contact. What a hilariously nonsensical lie to spit out before your investors- just so that everyone will know exactly who to blame when they're out of pocket.
The whole 'AAA' scene is something of a populist construct anyway, but to go one step beyond and in doing so basically call Skulls & Bones the single most ambitious game ever made- that takes some brass iron balls. At least when Microsoft made the same head-scratching claim, it was at the founding of a studio they intended to feed unlimited funds into- with hopes of creating the a studio that spat out first party exclusives like tommy gun ammunition. Of course, that was another instance of jumping the gun, as the Initiative has gone so silent in the past few years I'm just assuming they've all been Isekai-ed to the Goblin Slayer universe or Viziepop's Hell or somewhere else equally as inescapable. Now the very concept is little more than a joke.
Why stop at four? Why not make the next game a Hundred A game? Why not give their next game an A for every employee abuse scandal that Yves Guillemot covers up during the game's production cycle? That sounds like it would be fun- no? Give it a million A's- and release with a day-one ultimate game of the century edition! Sky's the limit when you don't give a toss! And of course, all this underpins the fact that no one seems to have ever had faith in this cockroach of a game. This vaguely indestructible little Tardigrade game who's been watched over it's entire formative life by it's mommy and daddy, baseball-bat wielding enforcers of the Singaporean government. Maybe the AAAA is just the scream of frustration the team let out everytime they remember they have to release the game eventually.
This is gonna be my year. I just feel it. No- not the year where things are gonna go my way in some formative, life changing way- something much better. This is going to be the year I finally live to see my arch-nemesis struggle and die under the weight of it's combined mediocrity. Live Services', with their mask cracked and their robes bloodied from the effluence of the several backstabs these games have performed upon themselves- collapsed in a dying heap whilst we all watch over. Perhaps the genre will throw one last hail mary before the year is out- grasp upon our sleeve and beg for one last chance- a revolutionary new step forward towards a peaceful future where players and Live Services can live in harmony. And it will be with astounding amounts of forgiving dignity and saint-like magnanimity, that I will glance down and whisper "No" whilst watching the light leave their eyes. Yeah, I really hate Live Services.
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