Blog 300

Wow, blog 300 came along a bit quicker than I expected. (So much so that I entirely missed it and this post is a few days late.) As such I'm going to take my time to just blabber on about nothing in particular because I guess that's my tradition now. "Shouldn't you try to do something special for milestone blogs?" Maybe, I dunno. You're not the boss of me, voice inside my head! So if you're here to look about my video game related topics (for whatever reason) then turn away for this is nothing but self therapy zone because I'm bored and I wanna talk to myself. Don't mind me. That being said my body is made up of 80% video games so that's going to slip in here in some way; point in case, I've been pretty smitten with Resident Evil of late.

But I've already spoken ad nauseam about all that, so I'll instead just talk about this blog in a meta since. And just to be Meta for a second, I'm very confused and slightly worried about how much of an obsession this has become for me. As you'll likely notice from taking a look at my post-history; I've managed to put out 300 blogs in 300 days without missing a single one and that's a streak that I never actually anticipated keeping up for as long as I have. Keeping that to heart, I also have a fairly big blog coming later this month about a game I positively adore and I cannot figure whether or not I'm ever going to have the chance to ease of the throttle a bit. On one hand I like the constant grind of having something creative (even mildly) to put together every day and on the otherhand I don't know if that's the best for the blogs themselves. Would I be able to put out more researched and in depth blogs if I did this once a week? Undoubtedly. But what's really the point? Does anyone honestly care? I still put a lot of effort behind the things I write but I am still limited by the stories I know regarding the game industry (Which are a surprising lot, but maybe with more time I could learn even more.)

But when the question of 'time management' gets bought up there really is nothing else competing for my time, even before today's certainly strange turn of events, so what the hell would I be doing every day when I'm not thinking about my next blog? I've already shared before how much I despise having nothing to do or distract myself with, it leaves with nothing else to but those glaring insecurities that I'm sure are quite glaring in my work. (Huh, feels weird to call crap-posting my 'work'.) Whatever I decide I feel like something has gotta give eventually, I'm just not sure if I'm going to commit myself to the next two months first or just change things immediately like a mad man. And then there's the fact of whether or not any of this matter given the fact that I may not even be around to write any of this nonsense much longer. (Ugh, this is why I'm so bloody annoying to be around, I can never just make up my damn mind.)

In terms of the amount of progress I've made with this blog I will say that I'm rather positive, directly contradictory to last time. I managed to get out a couple researched blogs and some longer form pieces (Including one which broke the 100 paragraph mark, I think.) I've also found myself absolutely inundated with things I want to write about whereas before I used to take things very one week at a time. I'm having to delay idea's in order to write about topics or news that are more immediately interesting to be, and I feel like that's a good place to be in right now. I would like to get my average word count a bit higher, but that requires coming up with ideas that have a little more legs to them; all that will have to wait until next month, however, because I have a biggun planned at the end of this month. (On and head's up; that one might not have any pictures on it for a few days. I intend to dedicate literally every waking hour of the day just to writing that blog so kindly bear with me.)

Personally I feel in better health than I have since I started this blog, but I can't exactly go out and back that up right now with everything that's going on, now can I? Previously I've hinted at a depression that has proved somewhat crippling for my endeavours both creative and otherwise, but I seem to have reached a clarity in that regard which is somewhat freeing. It's means that I've taken to personal writing a lot more and am practically buzzing with ideas all the time to the point where I have to bullet-point things to extrapolate upon later. Perhaps that contentedness comes from a slight twisted place, however, as the shared misery of our current day makes me feel just that little bit not as alone as I usually do. I mean I still go days at a time without so much as talking to anybody, but at least I know that around the world there are literally millions upon billions of people in that exact same spot.

If there's one thing that I'm not feeling so chipper about it's my chronophobia which I think I've unintentionally nurtured with the existence of this blog. It wasn't until I turned 20 when I was struck with absolute terror when thinking about my age and the prospect of growing older. I know that I've got and achieved nothing but my own stupid neurosis won't allow me to come to terms with that and so I'm always inexplicably anxious. Once I started doing this blog, however, I got to the point where I feel the desperate need to put out this blog once every day, so I'm forever cognisant of the hour clock no matter where it is. (Have you ever stopped to think about how quickly a hour goes by?) It's to the point where I physically and mentally cannot function throughout the day unless I've penned an article, done my 2 pages of personal writing, and queued up tomorrow's blog. (Yeah, it's that deep.)

For the future I hope to reach a point where I can slow this blog down to maybe twice or thrice a week, whilst trusting myself enough to let that go, but I'm nowhere near that yet. I worry that even if something amazing were to happen to me tomorrow and I'd magically get my life on track (highly doubtful considering the pandemic) this habit that I've built a dependence on will suck out any satisfaction I could hope for. (Although in my position I'm expecting a decidedly different 'out' for my life predicaments.)

So that's about all she wrote. I have nothing much to talk about regarding myself or wider plans for the blog so I'll just wrap this up. The coming weeks are sure to be interesting in these Corona fuelled times and I'm dubious about what might become of all of us once this is all said and done, not in regardless to illness but rather in how the world will recover financial. I'm no expert in such matters but I recognise that our's is a society built to be forever in motion, so I am a tad worried about what this global standstill will incur, but I hate ending on a sour note so just keep safe folk. Happy holidays! (Oh and I don't edit these. Sorry bout that)