Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves trailer

 That's a whole lotta bard.

Dungeons and Dragons: The grandfather of fantasy if you really squint your eyes and cover your ears so that the disturbed and screaming resurrected spirits of Tolkien, the various Beowulf poets and the entire middle ages don't break your concentration. (Oh- I didn't even plan that reference!) It seems incredible that we've had to wait this long to see it finally come to the big screen and- wait, there's already a D&D movie? Several? And they suck really bad? Okay, I already knew that. And that's part of the reason that when I heard the title 'Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves' I immediately assumed it to be a schlocky fest of thoughtless chaos. But after actually taking the time to watch the trailer for myself and form an independent opinion- I still think that it's going to be schlocky chaos, but now I'm hopeful that it might just be fun chaos too!

The fandom of Dungeons and Dragons is obviously in the middle of it's vast revival period thanks to the teeing up that Stranger Things did for it back when that series was starting, and the spingboard to super stardom then spurred on by Critical Role. All efforts to demystify the classic game and reveal how, far from being one of those tightly wound specialist hobbies guarded by staunch elitists, Dungeons and Dragons is actually a game expressly designed to morph and mould itself to fit the individual playing it, no matter their experience or familiarity. It's actually one game with the most open-armed approach to running it's community, which has led to an increase in adoption and a renewed general mainstream awareness of it's existence.

Of course for me, Dungeons and Dragons really exists through it's influence to Classic Role Playing Games and how they function. From Pillars of Eternity to Pathfinder: Kingmaker, to Baldur's Gate; these are my windows into the famous hobby that introduced me to it's many systems and tricks and tips. Which is why the world of Faerun is so tightly wound to the spirit of D&D for me and thus I have to make an effort to remind myself of the unbound nature of the D&D ruleset. Anybody can come to D&D and turn it to suit their tastes, giving it feasibly unlimited replayability and transmutability; all of which is why unlike with the vast majority of video game adaptations, I'm not so diametrically opposed to a movie adaptation of  D&D. I mean, I do very much think that a TV show would make more sense for how a typical 'campaign' is run, with many adventures that culminate in the grand showdown; but that's a different conversation entirely. I'm accepting of this film's existence.

Even if I think that name 'Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves' is a bit limp. First off, 'Dungeons of Dragons' is a system, not a franchise of ownership that informs the viewer of the world they're entering into. This could be, and possibly is, set in Faerun, but it could just as easily be in Spelljammer, or Ravenloft, or maybe even Critical Role's own Exandria; all utterly separate universes with hardly any interaction between them. Simply saying 'Dungeons and Dragons' is so broad it becomes meaningless. I know that the logo has to be on there somewhere for franchise rights, but it didn't have to be in the name. And as for the title that's going to show up on the ticket stub, 'Honor Among Thieves'; a more generic turn-of-phrase I'd struggle to conjure. That's pretty much just asking the name of this movie to melt out of the minds of movie goers within a couple of weeks, leading them to just say "Huh, what's up with that D&D movie." Rather than remember the concept for it's one identifying title. Try harder, Hollywood; you're embarrassing the medium.

But putting all that aside I have to admit that the Chris Pine starring trailer was somewhat entertaining to watch, if totally and utterly devoid of anything substantive. I mean we saw an adventure that took us across forests, battlefields, arenas and what looks to be the Underdark; featuring Dragons a Druidic Owlbear and a very ill-fitting Led Zeppelin track stitched atop of everything. And it all looked- good. For a visual effects showcase the team did a great job of selling the fact that this looks, at least from a distance, high budget and grandiose. Whether there's any real sets in this entire movie however- well that I can't say. And no, doing a fly-by over a couple of Scottish islands does not count as having a real world set. The cast look decent as well, or at least I like the girl they literally designed to be a live action Keyleth and I'll watch literally anything that Justice Smith is in. His performances always crack me up with how he underacts literally everything.

And when it comes to the substance? I think this movie is going to just be a carnival ride. The trailer introduced some world ending threat that is the 'most terrifying evil this world has ever seen', which is typical boisterous Hollywood pandering. Assuming this world is The Forgotten Realms, the most popular DnD Setting, then you're talking about a realm that faces world ending threats literally weekly. What about that time the entire sword coast was set ablaze in the middle of a free-for-all against countless dozens of bastard demi-gods trying to inherit the throne of their evil death god father to wreck havoc upon the world? Is this bad guy going to be more impressively crazy than that? I doubt it. In fact, I bet no one is going to remember a single plot point from this movie once the credit rolls. And you know what? That's okay.

Something like this I more consider to be a celebration of all things Dungeons and Dragons than an actual movie. Is it a movie made by actual fans? Debateable. There's certainly a unmistakeable aura of 'executive trying to ride the popular trends' to all this. Will it satisfy an audience expecting to be taken into another world? Probably not, unless you really lower your standards to rock bottom. But will it provide a tour across a vaguely DnD themed world with the odd obvious reference thrown in your face for people to awe and gawk at? Most definitely; we're absolutely going to get that. And in a lot of ways I'm actually grateful for that slight chucked bone of recognition instead of the whole hog attempted take-over that traditional media always attempts to do where they act all "That was stupid baby storytelling, because it's a stupid game. But now we, the traditional media, are here to grace you with our learned superiority! Now cower as we rewrite everything to a fundamental level so you can't recognise the thing you love in the slightest!"

Maybe it's a matter of "This can't be any worse than what I've already seen." Resident Evil, Halo; that upcoming Last of Us show which doesn't need to exist and is yet another reason why I consider Neil Druckmann to be a legitimately clueless rube who got hit the nail on the head once and has been blindly flailing ever since whilst declaring himself the new Michelangelo. When you strip away the pretence and the pomp, and don't pretend to be anything more than the popcorn-movie that you are, there's a vapid entertainment to be had there. Kind of like how I felt after watching Uncharted. Was it a great movie? Not in the slightest. But did I enjoy myself? Absolutely. And that's the miniscule bar I think DnD:HAT has a semi-decent chance of clearing. Now just don't screw up the performance check, dear god.