Does Tomb Raider Live seem kinda odd to you?

Begin at the beginning. And go on until you come to the end: then stop.

So there I was, just minding my own business and milling about Youtube trying to kill a few hours in abject despondence and what should hop before my eyes but a new Tomb Raider experience that I knew nothing about. Now to be clear I am an avid fan of new Tomb Raider. The old games lost me and my dad back when we couldn't find a stupid cog that was the same pattern as the floor texture (Yes, that is a level in the first game. Thank you for noticing.) But the remakes have been an absolute joy of remade and reimagined fun that I've come back to time and time again. I was really bummed when the proposed trilogy wrapped itself up and have been waiting patiently for new news like an diligent fan boy would. Only for the developer to be wrapped up in a long doomed multiyear Avengers project which has also swallowed up Eidos. Basically what I'm trying to say is I wasn't expecting to see that pockmarked font adorning anything until Avengers was good and buried; so imagine my excitement.

And then sudden proceeding bewilderment when it turned out to be an escape room. Because... huh? No really... what? I'm not going to pretend I understand the cultural movement behind escape rooms as it is, I don't have nearly enough friends to have ever partaken in one so it's an aspect of culture that has swung by me. But from the distance of context I can at least understand the idea. It's like one of those 'experience' events at theme parks but with a bit more intractability to it, I dig the concept. But I don't see where it intersects with gaming culture enough for a room baring it's brand to be a big hit with people. I mean sure, Tomb Raider has been around for a very long time, and there were even a couple of movies back a while ago; but does that translate to real world attention? I think it's hard to say.

Twitter. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

But the very premise at least caught my attention, if in more of an amused fashion than an interested one. What I observed was typically corny with sets that look like something off of The Crystal Maze (Edit: I just read that they do a Crystal Maze experience too. I swear I didn't know that when I first wrote that sentence.) and actors that are chewing the scenery so hard the sets are in danger of collapsing. And I noticed something odd. It was the glowing eggs that seem to be the treasure of choice in each room. I mean I think I recognise that sort of thing from the 'Adam & Eve' catalogue but not Tomb Raider all that much. And then I started looking closer at the sets themselves. Cabin in the snow? Is that supposed to represent Siberia out of Rise of the Tomb Raider? Maybe. A rusty ship? Okay, that's definitely the wreck of the 'Endurance' from the first Remake game, I can make that one out. Mystic alien pillars with scrawl text up glowing shafts? I- isn't that more Assassin's Creed? (Okay, granted, I never actually finished 'Shadow of the Tomb Raider'. Maybe the finale got weird.)

I know, picking fun at the sets seems like low-hanging fruit, but it got me looking at the whole project with a bit of a closer eye. You see, when I first saw this trailer I was certain there was going to be a bit featuring archery, (according to the FAQs; there's probably a Crossbow. Which isn't the same thing but I guess we'll take what we can get.) given how much of a focus on archery the new Tomb Raider games bought to the character of Lara, such to the extent that it became almost a meme of open world games at the time for how often the hero's would wield bows. I expected a shooting range, or a challenge room, and maybe there is something present on the course but the trailer for it showed nothing. There was a zipline, which is kind of reminiscent of some of the game's events; but without a bow and arrow what are you even doing? Heck, if was running this thing, I'd just let an active plane turbine loose on the guests and let them try and survive it. (I wouldn't be in charge for long, is what I'm saying.) 

You'd think they'd say 'Square Enix LTD' at least once. Right?

So now I'm confused. "There's no way Square Enix or Crystal Dynamics could resist an archery section, right? So maybe this whole experience is supposed to based on the original Tomb Raider games that I don't know that well." But then I see the logo; that's definitely the new Impact Font and withered text version of the logo, I'd recognise it anywhere. So I check the website and- hang on... is there a CG image of old Lara Croft? I'm not claiming to be able to identify the butt checks of a 3D model; but I'm pretty good with outfits and hair. Even with the special composite of the original outfit that the team made in the new games, Lara doesn't wear short-shorts; she has more modest full-length trousers. And even more damning; new Lara doesn't have the long braid. She has a sort pony tail. That 3D model is from the old Tomb Raider, and that logo is from the new Tomb Raider. Someone in marketing made an oopsie.

New Lara in Old Lara's Outfit. For comparison's sake.

Fair enough, innocent mistake. Let me just quickly scroll down to the contacts so that I pen my impassioned and enraged rebuke of the team's ineptitude and... where's the logo's at the bottom of the page? Typically, with web pages of experiences like these, you'll have the embossed logos at the bottom of the page that detail the many studios and IP holders who have their fingers in this pie, along with the necessary 'copyright text' in the small print. There is some copyright text there, but it's made out to 'Little Lion Entertainment'. Which is funny, because I thought Square Enix owned the Tomb Raider brand and now I'm more than a little perplexed. Let me look it up and- yeah, Little Lion is a an attraction's company; I'm decently sure they haven't magically taken hold of the Tomb Raider licence. Wait- wasn't Tomb Raider recently sold to Embracer Group? Has that deal gone through yet? Well it's a moot point anyway; I don't see Embracer Group's logo or details on the website either.

Yeah, they'll get back to me. Anyday now

In fact I went the creepy route and checked their Terms and Conditions. No, I didn't read the whole document, I'm not a mad man; but I did Control-F it. No mention of 'Square Enix', no mention of 'Embracer'. Ten uses of 'Tomb Raider'. Now that is interesting, isn't it? There's certainly no news about Embracer quickly pawning off one of it's newest assets on these 'Little Lion' guys. But they do follow all the expected accounts on Twitter. Crystal Dynamics, Tomb Radier... 'Tomb Raider Movie'? Okay, sure. So basically, I don't know what to think. As the account itself can't receive direct messages I've exercised my due diligence by just commenting on their latest Tweet, (which was my first Tweet in over a year) but something tells me they're not going to respond to that. If they do however, I will update this blog.

So as Little Lion Entertainment is an English company and thus any allegations made towards them by myself would be legally accountable (even for a small nobody like moi) I've no real conclusions to draw from anything I've discussed today. In fact, this is a terrible blog and I've wasted all your time, because there is absolutely nothing to deduce from the random musings I've exposited today. And any conclusions which are inexplicably reached by the totally inconsequential facts which have been laid out there are utterly and totally independent to you. In fact, you know what; I'm going to personally condemn the idea of making independent conclusions based on any of this information. How's about that? I've just nattered on about nothing and I hope you enjoyed it and I have nothing more to say about any of this. So that's about it. Bye.