DEfinAtIVE eDItiON

 The writing was on the wall

I wonder what the big thing everyone is still talking about is? Hmm, it's still the Grand Theft Auto The definitive edition? How is that even possible? You'd have thunk that growing up in the modern world of gaming, fraught with development studios who vastly overestimate their own abilities to deliver upon their lofty development goals in the pitiable time frames they assert over themselves, we'd have gotten just that little bit used to disappointment. I mean, despite the vast deluge of exemplary examples from Rockstar's own history, most of Nintendo's catalogue and special little one-offs like The Witcher 3 all proving that when you take the time to make the right game in the right way, the final product lands with so much more staying power and fans play it for longer, these people insist on shooting themselves in the foot and their fans through colleteral. You would literally be making less work for yourself, in needing to keep up with some impossible two year cycle, if all of these stupidly rich video game companies would just exercise a modicum of restraint. But I guess we can't be happy with restraint, now can we?

But I like to think that the general revoltion runs a little deeper than that for this particular mistake, which is why we can all tell pretty early on that this is going to be one of those blunders that really sticks. There's some misbelief rubbed into those grubby waking eyes, something muggy sticking to the sluggish ducts of those waking up and seeing what Rockstar really are. Lazy. Greedy. Unrepentant. It's something that they've hidden decently well to a lot of people out there with their suite of incredible games as far back as anyone can remember boosted by their cavalier non-conformist attitude, appropriate of their moniker, which made them seem entirely distinct from the rest of the gaming industry. These were the developers who just got the job done. Who dotted their I's, crossed their T's, and who delivered nothing but the full package. Only those who really paid attention to the hack-job online modes their previous two biggest games launched with could really start to see the obvious signs that some major dissonance was readily present in their QA standards. And the Definitive Edition, unable to be masked by the release of anything else before it or upcoming, demonstrated that dissonance nakedly on a stage before the world.

By accounts coming out now, and what is obvious to all, The Remasters of the GTA games were not handled by the main studios, but rather by a smaller separate studio that has been working with the Rockstar collective for some years now, Grove Street Games. Now you may look upon that name and go "Hey, I recognise that name! 'Grove street' from San Andreas, right? These guys are an official part of the Rockstar team, then?" Not quite. In fact, anyone actually familiar with this smaller group's work would have seen immediate neon embedded, silk woven, burning red flags if Rockstar had been more forthcoming about their association with this team in these remasters, because their blunders have made them legendary. Grove Street are the guys responsible for the mobile ports of the original trilogy of games, all of which are dotted with issues here and there, but for San Andreas, the grand game which Grove Street decided to try their own little remaster for, the damage was piquant.

San Andreas was treated to a port that came with it's own bunch of lighting fixes, vibrancy modifications and code updates. Nothing on the scale of these remasters, but enough to make people initially interested in this old classic's new facelift. But when it dropped that version of the game arrived with a slew of obvious issues that couldn't be shied away from. Glaring physics problems, control issues, missing controls, distracting auto-jump, comparative graphical shortcomings, and no anti-aliasing whatsoever. Grove Street also handled the special HD Remaster for San Andreas PC which, surprise surprise, was just a lazy port of that bizarre and arguably inferior mobile version with problems almost entirely untouched and a hatchet job UI rip-out which occasionally revealed the mobile flesh this skin-job was hiding. And of course, Rockstar worked with these guys to patch this version of the game over their originals on all platforms so that everyone had their flawless original replaced by this slight mess. Further proof that this reality is written by George Lucas where everything does, once again, rhyme.

It's hard not to look at what is happening right now and not turn around on Grove Street Games for continuing to be disappointments after so many failed attempts to make these games better. I mean, I very much want to recognise that these are a studio full of people and the mistakes they make are honest and not vindictive. I want to say that the assumed AI upscaling they did for most of these remasters (which would explain some of the distended skeletons and misspelt textures) is due to this team trying their damndest to meet a heavy demand from Rockstar. But I hear that apparently this remaster has been in development for two years and it becomes a little bit harder to be understanding, and then any lingering pity is stamped out when CEO of the company turns full bitter sarcastic stand-up comedian on Twitter with the comment "It’s so fun to see players out there really enjoying what we’ve put together for them. I’m honestly enjoying this unparalleled level of scrutiny on our studio." Seems our man loves pissing off the public and hearing the consequence of crappy work, so why deprive the man of what he wants? 

Theirs isn't the only company with executives that don't know how to stuff a sock down their throat when it's needed, although at least the main Rockstar team aren't doing this stupid stuff on Twitter. No, instead people have been pulling out an interview where a Rockstar executive was explaining how their company's unique dedication to the remastering process makes their remasters so much more successful than others. A questionable alleged supremacy to boast about in this modern industry where remasters have given way to full blown remakes, but I understand the sentiment. It is always more special when the developer manages to touch up the originals during the remaster process in order to bring them closer in line with modern game design standards whilst simultaneously enriching the nostalgia of those who loved the originals. Yet, once more, this was handled very questionably with this collection. Improvements to controls, movement and camera are present, and life changers, but outside of these raw controls, the very art of the game has suffered causing what many are calling an all-around inferior product. (And no matter where you do fall on such an issue, I think we can all agree it's overpriced for what it is.) So all in all, dated statement is dated.

And then we come around to that surprising back and forth job Rockstar did where they released the game and then immediately unreleased it on PC. Within a day the entire Rockstar launcher went down (preventing people from playing any Rockstar game which uses it) only to go back up after some maintenance with the new title utterly removed. Rockstar have been tight-lipped about exactly why the title needed to be immediately reworked, and despite the online faux-bravado of their sardonic CEO, Grove Street Games aren't in the mood of outing their own short-comings, so we're left with speculation. But as for that speculation, we have a couple pretty good contenders. The first is the theory I mentioned last time, where the game was immediately cracked and Rockstar pulled the trilogy down in order to protect their files being absconded and piracy drumming up. But the much more believable theory, which I'm starting to believe more and more with how lazy Grove Street Games has proven up until now, is that the Hot Coffee sex minigame which got Rockstar in trouble 16 years ago (and directly led to Rockstar falling out with the larger industry and refusing to go to E3 in the years since) had it's dormant files still in the newest release. This is something that the game had all the way back when it first launched on PC, and mods have since come out to reactive the content so everyone could look and laugh about what all the fuss was about. (It was silly and it's even sillier today) But to think that this little chunk of a minigame could persist across a port to mobile and back to PC, (because we know the San Andreas remaster comes directly from mobile port) well, let's just say that's a perfect summary of Grove Street Games' dedication to perfection. They have none.

Grand Theft Auto Definitive Edition is the Cyberpunk 2077 of 2021, and they managed it with a fraction of the amount of money put into a marketing campaign. (take notes, CDPR; these guys can match your disappointment on a budget) Just as with Cyberpunk, I get struck with a distinct clinging miasma of sadness when I think about this game and the ruined potential, as well as the burned bridges that 2K helped facilitate with their removal of the originals and the assassination of various modding projects. (One of which I saw mentioned was just a freakin' shared save file, which is edging ever closer to a point where their lawyers are going to overreach, inviting a landmark counter-suit and, in doing, set a groundwork which ultimately screws over digital file ownership for ever single greed-drenched corporate worm like them and I cannot wait for that glorious day.) It just sucks because all I wanted out of this was a good Remaster. Heck, at least I bought the originals back in the day so I can still play those.

Celebrity Cameos

They're just like you or I

Let me be cynical for a second as I say that the easiest way to circumvent the process of creating an interesting and likeable character who is loved for all of their strong personality traits and/or driving goals, is to just replace all that with a celebrity cameo. Now, of course, that isn't always the case when it come to arrangements like this but it sure tends to be more often than not. Afterall, celebrities already have a following of some sort, must be innately likable in some way, and can draw a decent crowd to your project. This is the reason why big name actors now rule the Hollywood screens and why we see gaming studios drop big money to bring such talent over to this world.

I've always approached the fabled celebrity cameo with a healthy degree of skepticism as I try to figure out exactly what it is that the studios are trying to sell me. Even in the times when the cameo has worked out so well that you forget you're listening to the soothe vibrations of celebrity vocal cords, there is still a hint of exploitation behind the whole process that turns my stomach a little bit. The exercise must rake in some success, however, seeing as how video game studios are still giving it a swing as recently as this year. (It still isn't rampant as in main stream movies, though, so it can't be too profitable in the long run.)

I think that perhaps the most contemporary example of this is in Hideo Kojima's latest work, Death Stranding. (Light spoilers.) Some ripples have reverberated over the Internet in regards to this title and it's not just because of the fact that the game is as weird and wacky as people have been assuming it would be for all these years. Nor is it due to the occasional piece of out-of-place product placement that we see scattered around the game world. I think the biggest "What?" that seems to have been stemming from this game is the secret in which you can track down Conan O'Brien and have him give you a hat in the shape of an Otter. Now I could go into details of where you find him and the potential links that this appearance could have to his 'Clueless gamer' skits, but honestly does any of that really matter? Conan O'Brien's hologram shows up in a Hideo Kojima game. 'Nuff said.

When I forced myself into Gears of War fandom in order to keep up with everyone else's hype, the last thing I was expecting was for a rapper to turn up as one of the side characters in the latest entry. And yet, Gears of War 3's Aaron Griffin turned out to be exactly that as he was voiced and loosely modelled around Ice-T. Epic games were clearly proud of this particular collaboration as he was one of the hardest characters to unlock in that game's horde mode too, requiring players to make a stupid amount of money through playing the mode. (Enough to require several days worth of playtime to be dedicated exclusively to this mode.) Epic even reached out to Mr. T again (Not that Mr.T) when it came time for Borderlands 3. Or at least, I assume the Epic connection was the reason why Gearbox were saddled with bringing Ice into their game.

Ubisoft wanted to get onto this train this year with a game that I have covered a decent bit on this blog: Ghost Recon Breakpoint. If you remember, I mentioned how they wanted to make a big splash with the major villain of that game by modelling him and having him voiced by Jon Bernthal. Now Mr. Bernthal is a tremendous actor known for his roles in Walking Dead and the Punisher, and casting that man as a disgruntled ex-special forces terrorist seemed like actual dream casting. Unfortunately, this game was written by Ubisoft's games-as-a-service team and so they actually managed to bungle a script that literally wrote itself. Bernthal's Walker does what he can but there is only so much anyone can do with a generic, unfocused 'mad at the system' character who is, bizarrely, designed in such a way that the player can kill him off half way through the game and have the rest of the plot play out without him. (Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a mastermind?)

Mass Effect Andromeda is hardly a game that will go down in history for great characters and/or voice acting but I always keep it at the back of my mind for several odd reasons; one of which being the fact that it is currently listed on Natalie Dormer's IMDB page. That is because Bioware decided to cast her as the Tempest's medical office, Lexi T'Perro. This was clearly done in a way to capitalize off of her recent 'Game of thrones' fame and not to benefit the actress' talents, as was made apparent by the way that Bioware published several videos teasing her involvement whilst in game she played an extremely forgettable side character. Lexi hardly has any baring on the main narrative and even when she does get the chance to speak it is as cold and clinical as humanly possible. (I honestly can't remember if this character has an emotion in the entire game.) So when it comes down to a question of wasted talent, Mass Effect Andromeda knocked it out the park here, too.

The Saints Row series, known for the odd wink-and-nod to the audience, went above and beyond with their cameo when they announced that Keith David would be playing your vice president in Saints Row 4. This came alongside much fan fare and advertisement despite the fact that, as veterans of the franchise would know, Keith David already played a character in Saints Row lore; the original leader of the Saints: Julius. (And you can bet that the Devs didn't miss a chance to mention that in the game.) Keith David is placed front and center in this game as a main character and given plenty of material to be as funny as possible, making him one of the better examples of cameos that we can see in the world of gaming.

Of course, one can hardly talk about gaming cameos without bringing up the classic; GTA San Andreas. That is because San Andreas is a game that is practically dripping with cameos out of every orifice. (Such to the point where the term 'cameo' actually loses all meaning.) We're talking about a cast containing the likes of Samuel L. Jackson, Chris Penn, Ice-T (again), James Woods, Peter Fonda, David Cross, Danny Dyer, Frank Vincent and more I'm sure. What makes it even better; some of those characters I mentioned are actually reoccurring or main characters. None of these characters are celeb fodder and most of them use the talents of the actor to elevate a strong character into an unforgettable one. This is the reason why San Andreas' cast is still remembered as the best that Rockstar ever assembled. (Also the music tracks. They were great too.)

Oftentimes celebrities are used as a replacement for good writing, that's immutable, but occasionally something decent and interesting can come from it. For every time that CoD uses Kevin Spacey or Kit Harrington for forgettable stock villains, there are games like Fallout New Vegas who know exactly how to use one of their celeb stand in's, The Radio DJ: Mr Las Vegas; to make for a fitting subject, The Radio AI; Mr New Vegas. I suppose it's up to the consumer to decide if they find the very prospect insulting enough to hold it against the larger game, or if they'll at least keep an open mind up until their suspicions are confirmed.

Gotta go fast!

"Ka-Chow!"- A sentient demon car

Today I decided to focus on something outside of my traditional wheelhouse; the ever-so-humble racing game. I'm usually a player who likes to take their time, as indicated by my favourite genre being; Stealth games, so you'd imagine that a game which tasks me with speeding about a course would the absolute opposite of fun to me. Not so, it would seem, as I always come back to the noble sport of racing now and then. Not that I'm good at it, oh no, but I always give it a shot whenever I get the opportunity. (Maybe it's the masochist in me.)

Games that simulate racing go back a long way in video gaming mythos, all the way to the original home console: Atari. (Discounting all those portable Pong machines that were developed.) Who remembers 1982's 'Pole Position'? It was an F1 racing game with some of the best graphics that the system had to offer, you can genuinely make out what the game is. I'm not even being facetious here, compare what this game had to offer to the original Mario Bros, the difference is night and day. (It seems that visual fidelity has always been a hallmark of racing games.)

I have always held a huge amount of respect for racing in videogames, when done right they can be some of the most creative games on the market. I suppose it comes from the need to differentiate oneself in amidst a library of seemingly identical games; You either become the best at making racing games, or pick one heck of a gimmick that people won't soon forget. I harbour love for both of these choices as even the roughest racing games can have some little charming glint that manages to touch my stoney heart.

Unlike modern sports games, the leaders in the racing market seem to actually dedicate passion behind their craft to amaze audiences with either ingenuity or fidelity. I suppose that is what attracts me to games like these without being a huge car nut myself; I'm just drawn in by the undeniable talent under the hood. Somehow, despite never definitively learning what it means to 'drive stick', I have developed a history with racing games throughout my gaming life, and therefore I have just enough incidental knowledge to take you through a few of my favourites from over the years.

When I mention having 'pride in your craft' I think that few games personify this as perfectly as the Forza franchise. Ever since 2005, Turn 10 Studios have been creating newer renditions of Forza Motorsport to wow the public. Each game, alongside all the the racing game industry leaders, manages to exploit the latest in tech to be one of the most beautiful games of their time, much in the same way that you find in system launch titles. The difference comes from the fact that system launch titles are generally more of a tech test, whilst Forza Motorsport never skimps out on the gameplay either, despite how tempting it must be to do so in the modern age. Nowadays, Forza games play like a more accessible racing Sim, with all the complexity and fidelity of a dedicated simulator mixed with the fantastic controls and handicap tools that one would expect from a pick up and play game.

Turn 10 have also spent their time working on the Forza Horizon spin off series since 2012. This is a game that is all about revelling in the beauty that comes from racing cars in some of the most visually arresting locations in the world (Like England! but mostly France, Australia and Colorado.) Horizon is certainly more of a game for hardcore car enthusiasts who want to spend their time taking screenshots of their favourite supercar plowing through a cornfield as the light hits in the perfect angle, but that core Forza codebase makes the game a blast to play for anyone. I have my own grips about the subtly insidious nature of the story behind the Horizon festival, (I'm not joking, but I'll get into in a dedicated blog.) but none of that takes away from the blind fun of a dedicated racing game.

Earlier I said how I like racing "Whenever I got the chance". Well, that isn't just in reference to my available play-time but to indicate that I will race whenever the game offers it. Many open world games have tried their hands at providing racing mini games, even when their driving mechanics may not be as solid as dedicated efforts. Grand Theft Auto has displayed some degree of racing in it, for years, ever since the original. (Although in that game you were racing against a time limit.) San Andreas was the first game to turn this into a fleshed out mode, however, even instituting a mini tournament in one city.

Other open world games have jumped into the mix since then. Sleeping Dogs has some great driving mechanics that work towards a street racing mini game for players to do when they're bored of slamming Triad members into fish tanks, Far Cry 3 and 4 (and probably 5, I haven't played it.) have some clock racing minigames that force you to dash around the map under some thinly veiled pretense of story; and Watch Dogs 2 manages to spice things up with go kart racing (Because apparently that's a thing in San Fransisco) and yatch racing, which certainly takes some patience to get to grips with.

Wait a minute, did I just mention go-karts? Well there is only one logical place to go from here, and that's to the world of Nintendo for their storied competitive racing game Mario Kart. Since 1992 Mario and his friends have been at the forefront of online racing games through their unique blend of fun imaginative map design and power-up based gameplay that has the potential to shift the balance of any race. Fans come back to this series time and time again for it's accessibility and timeless Mario style that is forever immune to the rest of the industry's death march towards fidelity.

And now I get to pull my wild card. On behalf of those wackier racing games that I mentioned earlier, as well as to pull a gaming deep cut, I direct you to one of my favourite PS1 games from back in the day; Micro Maniacs. In this game you played as one of several distinct racers (who, in hindsight, look somewhat horrific) that appear to be pintsized test tube monstrosities cooked up in some evil genius' lab. (I never followed the story.) In the vein of that premise that I may or may not have made up, the player is then tasked with racing across little 'mouse maze'-esque courses that have been built over table tops and work surfaces. This means that you'll spend your time dodging pencils and erasers as you hoard boasters and fire powerups to get ahead. My favourite element of all this, however, is the fact that the racers come without vehicles, the manics must run with their little spindly legs and a satisfying momentum mechanic to win out at the end of the day.

Racing games are one of those staples of gaming that's been around forever, and when you look at the games that the genre has produced, you can see why. Unlike some other genres' (Sport) racing games have never started to relent on quality and the pursuit of improvement. Although, that has meant that we have fewer wacky titles, (No more Split/Second or Burnout) it does mean that racing game fans are rarely without a high quality effort to sink their teeth into. I may not be the die hard racing fan that some others are, but I remain interested enough to follow with curiosity and a little bit of passion. Now, if you excuse me, I've just noticed that Red Dead Online has horse racing...