The Palworld situation is shaping into a disaster

 

Not that long ago I touched based on what was happening to Palworld in the face of Nintendo lawsuit and I was very raw with my emotions then. Largely of being upset at the big N for what they were doing to Palworld as a developer and the ramifications it could have on a larger scale. Now I understand that within Japan itself there's a lot more Nintendo Loyalists who get tilted at the mere thought of any Nintendo product being revigorated and iterated upon outside the confines of the Nintendo sweat shop- but personally I'm all for opening up the creativity well to see what spills forth. Plus you're kidding yourself if you think a developer who is making pure copycat content has any chance of standing out in a market as crowded as ours. If Palworld took the stage it was because something they did earned the limelight, or rather something Nintendo didn't do- if taking advantage of another's laziness counts as moral failing- then perhaps the society you have in your mind is incompatible to the ideals of a meritocracy- which artforms at least pretend to be.

But since then we're had a lot of pundits and third part observers throw their opinions and analysis into the pot regarding the truth behind this situation and with any new voice it just gets worse to bear. First off we need to differentiate the whole 'patent breech' thing which has nothing to do with the designs of the creatures resembling Pokemon. Whilst that is the most compelling argument from a Layman's perspective it might be a harder sell in a court of law and Nintendo aren't about proving themselves in the light of day- they're about other methods that, should speculation be true, whiffs of hints of desperation- to be honest. You see these 'patents' might not even refer to anything as specific as design documents but perhaps individual miniscule snippets of processes or even software practices that Nintendo sought ownership of specifically to go after Palworld.

What made Palworld such a success was the fact that it took the idea of what Pokemon was and gave it the ambition that the franchise has seemed to reluctant to seize hold of all these years. Pokemon ain't no wide-eyed new comer- and still it's difficult to see any vast leap forward in the fundamentals of it's game design that match what everyone else in the industry is doing. Even other yearly or bi-yearly release schedule games, such as 'Like a Dragon', manage to cram in more experimentation and iteration than your average Pokemon squeezes out entry after entry- and Palworld expose that with a quirky, violent, twist of their own to bring to the formula. One might think that a Studio as comparatively large as Nintendo would take such a know on the chin- but speculation assumes not.

Crafting hyper specific legalise patents in order to smite a potential rival so that you personally don't have to feel the pressure to improve your own craft is perhaps the single most anti-consumer measure possible by Nintendo- and if you consume that news and remain in Nintendo's camp, regardless on your thoughts regarding Pocket Pair's creative morality then you are an enemy to this industry. Because that is how Nintendo are framing themselves, to join them is to join ranks of the 'enemy'. And what do I mean by 'enemy'? I'm talking about being a champion of regression, of formulaic stagnation, of meandering ambition of anything anathema to art. That is the world that Nintendo are playing towards.

And trust me when I say, this is not the precedent you want to be setting as a leader of this industry. There's always a strange balance between the cooperate and the artistic and it's because the forces are like oil and water- they don't neatly mix with one another. In order for us to function as a collective there has to be a conduct we all follow, morals we uphold, behaviour we condemn and lies we do not cross. Nintendo might have fouled all of those stipulations with this move. Introduce legalese as a cudgel to swat down competition and suddenly we've lost the hope of this industry. The hope to build upwards and create something of substance is already naturally precarious- Nintendo are threatening to straight knock it over.

Let's pan this our, to a natural conclusion- shall we? So know we can lock down patents on the basic systems of how games are made so that if anyone so much as sneezes in a manner somewhat similar to a game that already exists- they can be shut down? Okay then- Super Mario RPG uses turn based gameplay- Final Fantasy did it before them. Do you see how easy it is to do this? So many of the games we love borrow ideas, use similar game engines that run the same software, build upon what was to make something new. The very idea of art is from absorbing what is around us, developing it through the lens of our experiences and creating something knew. Or does Nintendo really want to go to court over the fact that 'Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom' plagiarised it's vehicle building tools from Banjo Kazooie Nuts and Bolts? Is that the kind of lawsuit they want to see in this world? 

And I will be the first to say that Palworld is absolutely not the hill we should be dying on for this! They did absolutely borrow the visual designs of several Pokemon for their cast and if you go after them anything it should be that! But Nintendo are such contemptable little worms that they don't want to enter a good faith lawsuit with the chance of failure when they can just legally bushwhack them with a 100% chance for success. Once again the Family Friendly, positive values company are the harbingers of the worst practices you've ever seen in any market! Just like Disney before them! Don't you just love being part of this world?

As much as it seems utterly impossible given the fact that Nintendo has literally never lost a case that they've initiated- it really is in the best interests of this entire industry that Nintendo lose this case. Say whatever you will about Palworld, again I'm not their biggest defender by any stretch of imagination, but what Nintendo are doing seems entirely lacking in positive influence to this industry. If you love this hobby as much as I do- until Nintendo can prove themselves to be acting entirely in good faith you just cannot consider them righteous in this- regardless of how good their games remain. I know it's so much easy to get angry at a developer who are provably bad like Konami and Ubisoft- but the buck cannot falter at talent or else we're all screwed.

Palworld under the hammer

 

The Pokemon successor title that Nintendo told you not to worry about, Palworld, has certainly had something of a year- hasn't it? Exploding onto the scene with a frankly gross amount of initial success right from the moment go, picked up by Gamepass, distributed to the millions on PC, the title became a stable of the scene in no time flat establishing just how desperately people are willing to accept anything with that Pokemon DNA stretched over a more ambitious body. That being said, it really takes some balls to rub your shoes on Nintendo's feet and not expect them to take a bazooka to your offices- thus I stood with many others in absolute shock when months of silence pervaded the conversation about inter-company discourse. Experts clucked their tongues, columnists prepared their obituaries and nothing happened. Until now. Surprise Nintendo Lawsuit. Boom.

Pocketpair confirmed themselves that the big N took a shot right at their offices for the crime that everyone expected six months ago. Infringement. Which just makes sense, doesn't it? I mean say all you will about Palworld and how fundamentally it takes the idea of Pokemon and moves it in many more interesting directions than the franchise itself was ever going to stretch- but from a design standpoint those two were really drinking from the same font. Palworld literally borrowed the exact same design philosophy as Pokemon, with colour combinations and animal switch-ups, emulated the exact same cutesy art style and, allegedly, even scribbled over some of those old Pokemon designs for good measure. The resemblance is uncanny is some examples and others look like actual mash-up 'what if' designs you see uploaded to Reddit ever other day. It makes total sense why Nintendo would go after them for that there copyright infringment.

Hmm? Excuse me, I'm hearing that they weren't aimed at for Copyright Infringement? That doesn't make any sense though- what else would there be to... Patent Infringement? As in, the Patent for Pokemon? The legal filed design documents? They're claiming an infringement over there? That is... I'm not going to lie- a really smart way to blindside everyone. I bet that Pocketpair had loaded up laywers on retainers that were drafting up copyright rebuttal speeches every other week and bouncing them off each other just to stay mean with it. But kick down the front door and slam a 'Patent' suite on the desk and suddenly everyone is given a little pause. Cages are rattled. Oh, and the foundation of art itself creeks against the abyss whilst another careless gust of litigious wind batters it- but who cares about that? Nintendo sure don't!

Nintendo can't be alleging that Pocketpair straight up kidnapped one of their OG technicians and squeezed the secret to a winning Pokemon formula across hours of extreme torture methods, nor do I think they are accusing the Palworld devs of infiltrating the heavily guarded Nintendo vaults- breeching the six-foot steel walls and making off with the original design documents to flog on the Pika-market- so we can only assume this is a pointed finger at the accusation of 'copying'. Nintendo must, by all logical deduction, be looking at Palworld and finding something in it's design and systems so egregiously lifted from the legally unique and distinct Pokemon formula that it constitutes immediate cease and desisting. So let's put on our amateur attorney hats and see if we can't drum up a case for Nintendo- do the exact kind of garbage picking their legal team have been up to over the past half year...  

So lacking the insight into the workings of either Palworld or traditional Pokemon we can only really opine on the visible gameplay mechanics and in that comparison Palworld is actually pretty distinct. The game isn't turn-based, does not set itself in a similar style of explorable world with themed routes and small gym villages- utilises it's mons for a very basic battle system which shudders in the face of Pokemon's half-involved complexity. Palworld's gameplay loop is built around survival systems, crafting and efficiency management- none of which exist in the Pokemon pantheon. All we can really draw in connection to one another would be the very concept of catching monsters and pitting them to battle- which to be fair, does invoke the spirit of Pokemon at a glance- but should it exclusively?

What if these were soldiers on the battlefield being captured and put to work against the enemy? Like for 'Shadows of Mordor'? That's right, Shadows of Mordor borrowed that basic philosophy with a more randomised approach so you were less filling up a Pokedex and more browsing for the coolest looking Orcs to recruit into your vanguard. Maybe the idea of 'filling up a list of specifically designed creatures for a competitive battle system' is important, despite Palworld lacking that competitive battle system. Well then, one might merely invoke the name of Shin Megami Tensei, no? Persona, Soul Hackers, SMT- that's the bread and butter of all of them! And guess what, Nintendo- the first SMT game debuted in 1992... Pokemon Yellow came out in 1996... Maybe those are the kinds of rocks you don't want to turn over, huh.

Of course, we have no idea what the actual pain points are and currently neither do Pocketpair who are apparently having to launch a legal investigation into themselves to figure out what the heck Nintendo is even on about. Although N isn't taking this lightly! Apparently they've identified several patents being infringed upon- which makes this sound like a damn-near copy'n'paste situation if you weren't at all aware of the actual products involved and how materially distinct they actually are. For optics sake I can only assume Nintendo will try their hardest to keep this close to the chest but that cat has long since fled the burlap, friend- we're all fascinated to find out what apparent chink in the armour Palworld didn't notice until now and I pray we get follow-ups from the two journalists who actually still exist in this medium.

In the grand scheme, however, can I just say that this sucks. Patents towards modes of design, concepts of gameplay, are like hot knives stabbed into the back of creativity itself. All art is iterative, most great art is whole-sale Frankenstein-ed together out of lesser works. The greatest games of our age all owe vast pedigrees to gameplay systems, development methods and concept figured out and refined before them- this year's presumptive Game of the Year Black Myth Wukong probably have Hidetaka Miyazaki's every odd mannerism down for how closely they've imitated his work and style. When aspects of design like this enter litigation, or Warner Bros try and lock down the 'Nemesis System' from their games- everyone loses. And I'd think that Nintendo would know that well for how much their own games have proven influential- but I guess desperation makes enemies out of everyone- huh?

Nintendo Grows up

 

Nintendo has a reputation to keep, just like Disney before them. And I really think it is in pursuit of appearing family friendly, the last bastion of true kids gaming on the industry, that so many allow Nintendo to get away with some of the truly heinous crap they pull. Stomping down on content creators for simply loving their games? "Oh, but what if someone makes something objectionable and a kid sees it? It's simply Nintendo doing the due diligence!" (Genuine excuse for them recently announcing an initiative to move on mature art of their characters such-as Bowsette.) "Hmm, they present the worst online experience out of all the big 3. So unquestionable bad that you can't even reliable mic-up with other players? Have to keep those kids safe!" People will justify having their houses broken into and being burgled by Nintendo by simply assuming that all the expensive furniture and family heirlooms that were stolen might have accidently been run into by a child. It's their greatest shield.

But what if Nintendo were to ever... rock the boat, so to speak? What if Nintendo went out of their way to do something... not so 'kid friendly' for once? What if Nintendo announced their very first adult game and the only reason I'm asking these hypotheticals is because that is literally exactly what happened and there's no point playing coy. That is the thing. We're talking about it. It's wild. Now that is really the angle that people are going with- calling this "Nintendo's first M rated game", although that isn't really true when you think about it. Nintendo published Bayonetta, afterall. And one of the Fatal Frame's digital editions, and one of the Ninja Gaiden's and some other horror games from back in the day. And you need merely look at the Nintendo E-Store to find plenty of questionable games for sale- but they've never developed an M rated game before. And that is worth talking about.

Now to be absolutely clear we don't know if Nintendo themselves are official working on the game, they just surprised announced the game with a trailer without anyone being the wiser and in the absence of anyone coming out and claiming the thing it appears to be a Nintendo property. Although some have noticed that Bloober team have a gap in their supposed development line-up which would align neatly with a new game... particularly considering they mentioned it was for Nintendo and codenamed 'Project M'. But then Bloober team aren't usually ones to hide their name. Honestly the speculation about the origins of the project might just be more interesting in the game itself- not least of all because it doesn't have a name beyond the bland and easily forgettable "Project Emio".

Now the curious aspect about this trailer is that it dropped literally out of nowhere. With no Nintendo direct, no heads up, no cross advertising- it just dropped out of the sky. The trailer is a tease of a teaser, with a little bit of jumpy visuals and a an in-progress name- and we can't even tell you who's making the thing. Heck, if I were one for conspiracies I might even question whether or not the thing is even a real game being published whatsoever, or if this is another case of the 'headline grabbers' like Blue box scandal from a while back. Hey... has anyone actually checked up on Blue Box recently? You don't think...

As far as a mature venture for Nintendo to go down, I have to say that making a horror game is perhaps the least interesting angle one might expect. Horror games are such 'easy' mature bait, with implications here, a bit of excessive blood there, and maybe a touch of psychological horror and suddenly the ratings board treats you like a real-life goat sacrifice is performed alongside every playthrough. But it rarely goes that deep. Horror is one of the most accessible genres in the entire medium and that makes it excessively hard to do something truly novel and unique that pushes the boundaries. I typically have a bevy of documents drawn up for concepts that would challenge the bounds of current genres but I've never been able to come up with one for horror- because it feels like they've done everything already. (Or Maybe I'm just not that big enough of a fan to visualise it.)

I'd rather see Nintendo throw their efforts behind something exciting that takes advantage of their renown for great feeling controls and pitch-perfect gameplay. Imagine a balls-to-the-wall action hack and slash game... I guess genre-adjacent to Bayonetta, but leaning on the great eye for iconography and character visualisation that makes Nintendo stand out so vividly!  Maybe there's a bit of flashy action, a few over-the-top cartoonish violence, a potty mouthed script, an intense explored theme or two. I just want something more substantive than walking around an abandoned building being chased by ghosts who mutter about mean things that happened to them when they were twelve. Been there, yawned at that.

What we do know is that according to whoever rated the thing, we can expect themes of domestic abuse and permanent self harm- which ties in to what you typically get out of games like these. Although, maybe I'm being a bit of a reductive here. Afterall, my perception of what horror games have been and could be are based on the thriving indie horror scene and career horror studios that live and breathe this style- never have we seen a family friendly masterpiece creator dedicate themselves to this area- so perhaps there's some unique special something they can bring to the genre-type. Tie in the fact that it's pretty clear this is a Japanese game, giving the Kanji at the end which roughly spells out 'Smiling Man', and we know that Japanese horror tends to go places unexplored my Western horror. Maybe there's something interesting there.

Still, at the end of the day this is Nintendo reclaiming their title as caters to the mature which they've shied away from ever since their days of intentionally producing playing cards that were used exclusively by the Japanese Yakuza in order to skirt overly specific anti gambling laws. Never forget that was how Nintendo got their big break. Maybe they can channel a bit of that back-market dealing into giving a unhinged and untraditional experience that really breaks the mould and reminds everyone why we were so distraught when Silent Hills went the way of the do-do.

Don't wake the sleeping Nintendo

 

Do you remember that game from Mario Party where you have to tiptoe around the sleeping Wiggler as it snoozes to what very much sounds like the insect's funeral barge? Wiggler snoozes in a fragile dream land as bumbling Mario Party players try their best to work avoid the sure carnage that will erupt if this freak of nature is unleashed upon the land until the inevitable moment where one fat-fingered relative makes the wrong move and the last thing everyone sees is the red-hot steaming maw of Wiggler's last condemnation? Yeah, I'm starting to think that might have been a self-report on Nintendo's part pertaining to their own habits and peculiarities- or at least that is the sense I get looking at the way the big N conducts themselves whenever not trying to play the player-friendly façade during showcases- which is 99% of the year, for context.

All of us mortals try to sneak about carefully, trying not to step on the long roots of the Nintendo tree, but when one of us does- apocalyptic ruin upon us and our families as Nintendo deploys the sleeping drones to hunt us down in our sleep! See Nintendo won't just kill you- on no that's amateur hour! What they prefer to do is the 'catch and release' model. They identify the target and let them think they are safe and secure for as long as it takes to rope in as many like minded faces as possible. Oh are you forming a community? A community of people who love Nintendo games and want to share that passion? Oh, how adorable! Yes, Nintendo will be smiling today as they send their men knocking on your doors. Their agents will come down upon you with the wrath of god to slap you with the kind of legal destruction that will leave you begging for an assassin's blade. Death would be a mercy for the kinds of people that Nintendo lock into Findom for the rest of their natural lives.

And why am I bringing all this up? This deep Nintendo lore that everyone already knows? Because Nintendo are back on their bull once again, of course! This time they've targeted one of the oldest communities known to gaming man- Garry's Mod. That's right, the Half Life 2 mod that likely introduced you to the concept of what mods even were? The clay from which countless hundreds of thousands of user generated assets have been formed and shared for no fee? Out of the spirit of creative freedom and sharing stuff you think is cool with other people who might also think it's cool? You know, that commune of expression and socializing that poses no threat to anyone anywhere? Yeah, that's Nintendo's target today. Because Nintendo seem eager to model themselves after the Gestapo. (Allegedly.)

As you'll find on any site that allows UGC- some of the stuff available to screw about with on Garry's Mod are characters from Nintendo games like Mario, Samus and Kirby. Assets that can be loaded in to replace player character models at your discretion. Or maybe you'll have a custom map that looks like the Mushroom Kingdom. These are free little constructions by fans, no more consequential than fan art, slapped together in an engine for the simple hell of it. Apparently Nintendo consider this an big enough threat to their continued profitability that they have slapped dozens upon hundreds of takedown requests on Garry's Mods servers to erase literal decades worth of content they had never touched before now. Which is just swell, ain't it?

So ludicrous of a proposition this was, that Nintendo would seriously sink this low, that people genuinely created a conspiracy theory that this was actually false DMCA claims issues by some down dirty vermin looking to use Nintendo's 'Good reputation' as a spittoon. How could it be that Nintendo seriously see a threat in a decades old game like that- right? Well as it turns out the threat appears to be very real. Garry's Mod team have pretty much verified the takedown requests, parroting the contentious point that 'it's their content and they have a right to take it down'. You know, as though people were going around and recreating Mario games using rip-off Mario characters. These are the sorts of situations where Copyright as an institution serves not as a shield, but a mallet for bashing out at others. One that Nintendo are all too giddy to use, given their track record with consumers.

Fans have responded in the manner that they usually do- flocking to try and preserve the content that Nintendo are trying to destroy in docs that the big N bloodhounds will no doubt pursue next. Archives like theses are fast turning into the only means by which a lot of gaming content exists, including some of Nintendo's own hosted games. Fans are footing the bill trying to keep classic titles entrusted to Nintendo alive in some form on the Internet, meanwhile the company themselves spend their money and time hunting down inconsequential fan content across the web- what does that say for the sorts of priorities across the industry right now? And how little respect people have for the big N when their next games starts leaking across the industry?

Nintendo aren't the only one's cracking down on supposed piracy. Denuvo, creators of the most maligned anti-piracy software on the market, have announced new invisible watermarks that can stamped onto pre-release builds of games and are unique to each version, making it easier to track down leaked footage to exact leakers. Another startling leap forward in accessibility for publishers to hunt down their consumers in order to get their oppressive 'lawsuit' fix. I no big fan of leakers either, although I do wonder about the use of such technology given that all the worst leaks, the really terrible ones, are typically done by outside hackers who announced their bounty readily, rather than developers slipping a little something to press. This is just an excuse to crack down on the little man and pretend that solves the wider genuine development-affecting breeches in security. It's a band-aid over the wrong wound!

The future that Nintendo want is one wherein all the world follows their beck and call to the utmost letter, precluding all creativity and ingenuity their products could spark. Most would say that art is a vehicle through which to inspire and encourage and to get to dream, but Nintendo loathe the idea of independent expression and thought- and seem to actively work against the fans who find inspiration from their projects. They craft a world of fear where art, in their lens, is a vehicle through which to generate brand value, and the esoteric and beautiful parts of creation of unwanted by products of an unwanted passion. So thanks Nintendo, for being the worst yet again. 

Nintendo kills another Emulator

 

It is with no great amount of surprise that I report how Nintendo are back on their game again- trying once again to shoot a shot across the bow of the grey gaming market as though their threat underlines the very foundation of the industry. Honestly, if Nintendo put as much effort into affirming their own online infrastructure, or even pushing for greater digital rights for the benefit of their audiences, as they do pummelling people into the ground with lawsuits- we'd be in a utopian age of gaming. But Nintendo aren't really the virtuous sort, are they? No, they are much like Rockstar in that regard. They rule from atop a palanquin carried by their lessers and use that vantage point to spit on us less fortunate, because that's just what you do when you become a big studio I guess. Should that be reason enough to complain and write a blog on the matter? I dunno, but Imma do it anyway.

Nintendo have always held a draconian and nigh-on tyrannical grasp on exactly how people interacted with their software even at the detriment of the experience themselves. Using voice chat on the Nintendo Switch is an absolute nightmare because Nintendo want to filter out those who just casually want to game with those determined to communicate for high level play. (And whom can't just shell out a fresh window for Discord, I guess.) They forced a limited distribution window for a port of all their most classic Mario games and created a bubble economy for it- despite them being fully capable of offering a digital version of the game at any point- practically feeding free content for scalpers. And they even bristle at the thought of someone doing a Nuzzlocke Pokemon challenge because that isn't the exact way that Pokemon was designed to be played. They're total control freaks.

As such, it only makes sense that Nintendo would absolutely flip a lid at the mere mention of video game emulation. Emulation, of course, refers to the use of software that imitates another piece of software in order to utilise programs exclusive to that infrastructure, which in this case means computer programs that run raw files for a Nintendo Gamecube/64/Gameboys game as though it were a console running the game itself. Whilst inherently there is nothing illegal about this provided that the files themselves are legally acquired, such as if you own a copy of the game itself- but that wouldn't be playing within the exact parameters that Nintendo want you to have fun within- as we all know- there are right and wrong ways to have fun when Nintendo are pointing a gun at your head.

Now of course, with emulation machines naturally comes a compatibility with pirate sites that upload ISO files of old games that people then emulate, but I'm going to fire off a hot take here- I think most of the time this tends to be harmless. Oh, are sales of 'Gio Gio's Bizzare Adventure' being hurt by emulation? That game which only exists on the PS2 and have never been ported? Of course not! And a lot of the time that is how people engage with Emulation- to enjoy games that aren't being supported on any modern day storefront or under the purview of any developer. In some cases Emulation is the only way that a lot of these games have managed to survive from becoming lost media forever. But then when you get to Yuzu, which offered a Nintendo Switch emulator, the margins get a bit blurrier.

The Nintendo Switch is very much an active console that Nintendo are invested in and actively releasing games for, as such when they come to deducing potential factors that hurt their infrastructure- it's with little imagination that they can summon up a program like Yuzu as a problem. Again, the Emulator itself is not performing any piracy, but people seem to be using it for that end. Nintendo themselves cite a story I didn't even know about regarding Tears of the Kingdom breaking it's streetdate and ending up on Emulator before hitting stores. (And I thought I was the criminal somehow getting the game at normal retail price by picking it up day one in-hand.) Now, whether or not the Emulators of the game had an actual dent on their bottom line is irrelevant- that it happened at all is fuel for Nintendo's ever hungry dragon's maw.

It is actually something of a questionable stance to take- insisting that Yuzu knowingly 'facilitates' piracy in order to force a lawsuit upon them, although in Nintendo's defence (bleurgh- can't believe I uttered that accursed sentiment!) what else is an Emulator like that going to be used for? The majority of people using Yuzu would have to do using Nintendo Switch code extracted from a hacked console or pirated- and the games they use will probably go through the same lens. I suppose it's the same logic where a knowing provider of synthesis materials and the tools for a lab might be liable as a supplier despite having done nothing illegal themselves, although with much less higher stakes and, let's be honest, a greatly exaggerated impact. (It's not like those pirated players were one emulator away from rushing out to buy a $300 Switch, now were they?)

Yuzu is now shut down. They are on the hook to pay over a million dollars in damages to Nintendo, because any trumped up charge needs a fall guy I expect, and now a dozen other copycat emulators are popping up all over the place with sketchy hosters that could very well be offering scam software putting players in jeopardy- but Nintendo don't care, they barely see us as human. So that, in a nutshell, is a summary of Nintendo's disdain for everything Emulation- underlined by their lawsuit which explicitly connects Emulation with Piracy. Oh wait... hang on- isn't the Nintendo Switch brimming with Emulation tools- some of which are literally subscription incentives? Hmm... guess it isn't so black and white, now is it?

Your move, Pokemon.

 

So perhaps you've noticed but over the month of January the world was briefly swept by something it almost never gets when we're talking about Nintendo products- Competition. I mean sure, Mario has Sonic to 'contend' with, but those are never actually fair competitions- those are just exhibitions for Mario to showcase how much more market dominance he has over the blue blur at that particular moment of time. They're really rather cruel if you think about it. But Pokemon on the other hand? Oh that right there is the product of a life born with literally no hardships whatsoever. You couldn't dream of a more privileged, silver spoon, space within which to flounder and collapse in on one-self. Every way in which Pokemon has let down it's fans over the years can be traced back to the iron fist that the Pokemon Company has enforced over the world, as spurred on by Nintendo's great wall of lawyer muscle.

Which is why it has been so surprising that Palworld has been allowed to go on as long as it has. Even former Pokemon employees seem flabbergasted by it, which either means the big N are riding up for an apocalyptic lawsuit so destructive it will burn up the entire game's industry- or they simply don't have the legal grounds that they thought they did. And if it is the latter- then that means Pokemon is going to have to face up to something terrifying that they've never had to face before- expectations. When you own the monopoly lion's share of the market for your game type, the onus rarely falls on you to really try when it comes to wooing over your customers. But set up a new stall on the front lawn that offers something more than you do, at a cheaper price? Well then you've just been captialismed on, son!

Of course, what this means for The Pokemon Company is that they actually have to step up their game if they want to wrest fans back from Palworld- because whilst these player counts are current a dent on Pokemon's giant empire- this is the seed from which the great oak grows. Palworld, assuming they aren't nuked in a lawsuit warhead, are going to grow off the back of this game. They're going to get more resources, feedback and staff aboard and they're going to take another shot at this genre in a couple years or so. And that game? That one might be a little bit better, and gain a little bit more traction. And at some point consumers are going to be asking themselves whether or not they want to shell out for Pokemon's latest failure experiment in basic game design principles that somehow managed to fail making open world exploration interesting even with decades of examples to learn from, and just pick up the cheaper option Palworld is providing.

 I suppose what I'm trying to manifest within the world is the possibility that Pokemon is going to need to react and change in order to keep their spot at the top of the roster, and we might be able to take a guess at the way they're going to do it by looking at the company we're dealing with and what they typically do in nervous moments. For example, I think the biggest ability currently residing in the Pokemon tool-kit is that of nostalgia. When weaponised, nostalgia baiting can subsidize a lot of your marketing budget simply by word of mouth that the thing people loved is coming back to them practically unchanged, remade on a slightly worse- but shinier- engine. And we already know this is a tool the Pokemon Company are obsessed with.

It's practically all but confirmed fact that the team are juggling a remake of Pokemon Gold and Silver adorned with mascot Pokemon and borrowing the exact same game design their ancestor teams worked on back in 1999. Yes, the 'Let's go' remakes are presumably going to come with the 'Pokemon Go' redesigns of the originals that 'Let's Go Pikachu and Eevee' enjoyed- and the Unova remakes which have also been leaked and will feature their own set of quality of life improvements- which to be clear are all utterly negligible. Basically the bare minimum to make it feel worthy of being called a new game whilst forgoing the risk of actually trying to make something new. Which at the very least gives GameFreak time to work on their next main entry game which promises so much and delivers so very little. It's easy to forget how little GameFreak actually deliver on until you've gone through their latest entry and reflect on how unfulfilling your experience just was.

But that doesn't mean The Pokemon Company are just going to write off making something new! Oh, they've got to try and win over the conversation somehow, which means they have to try and make their next Pokemon game a contender to Palworld. I think this confirms that the company aren't going to be pulling back on the open world elements like some figured they might following the performance hiccups of Scarlet and Violet, but they may just be spurred to try and make that open world experience more involved as Palworld does. So what does that mean? A return of the 'hideout' mechanic offering basic base building? Possible. Simple survival mechanics? Unlikely. A more comprehensive Pokemon populated worldspace which better champions explorative play? I hope so.

Because you see- that is what is so great about this coming fight! Challenge breeds competition and competition breeds improvements! If they can't cheat their way to market dominance the way that Pokemon have relied on doing all these years, then they have to start getting out of their comfort zones and doing things they would never normally do. Maybe that means being a bit less anal about the way they handle cross-marketing between their products, maybe a bit less regional locking of content- and maybe we can start to see Gamefreak actually grow as a company in a way that a developer who has been making games for over two decades really should have by now. Why don't they have an international office at this point?

Now to be honest with you I don't think that Palworld is the prophesised Pokemon killer of yore. It wears the boots and talks the talk, but it's stride is clumsy and it's vision lazy. But who's to say that someone else can't follow Palworld's initiative with an even better realisation of the Pokemon idea? I've said it before, but I think these Pokemon-style games are currently in an invisible arms race to see who can be the first to create a game which depicts a 'Ryme City' style world as teased in Detective Pikachu. Nail that and you've become the king of the genre, in my humble opinion. And if that winner isn't The Pokemon Company- I ain't gonna be whining.

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet Complete Journey Review

 Hasta la Vi-Star

The Ballard of the ninth generation of Pokémon will go down as one of the most interesting in the franchises history for it's many lows but commendable highs in Gamefreak's attempt to go beyond themselves and somewhat change the face of the franchise forever. It's been over a year since release now and we've finally received our last DLC. (See that Starfield? We should be wrapping up DLC after Year One- not just getting started!) What this means is that with the entire adventure of Pokemon Scarlet up to grabs, and the game feeling mostly complete as a consequence, I feel comfortable reviewing this game in it's entirety. Barring any sudden explosive developments, this is about as complete of an impression as I can feasibly get.

Firstly, it's worth noting that Pokemon Scarlet and Violet suffered from a legendarily painful launch that had the game riddled with the kind of glitches and bugs that are actually game breaking, not just the odd hiccup that sets 'gaming purist' forums off. What Gen 9 wanted to achieve was to hop off the momentum of Pokémon Archeus to present us the very first fully open-world Pokemon game uncoupled from the narrow design foibles that made the franchise feel so stale recently. Many blame the technological limitations of the Nintendo Switch, but given the release of 'Tears of the Kingdom' and the state that game managed to achieve- I think this is probably more of a comment on the team themselves. They did not have experience building and testing for a game of this size before, and they were stuck to the same extremely narrow window for development that the franchise has been on since the dawn of Pika-man. Early buyers ended up suffering the consequence of those factors in a truly shocking first few months of life.

Being lucky enough to pick up the game a bit after all that mess, I could focus a little bit more on the actual world of Scarlet and Violet and the team's dedication to their open world design; which was stronger than I honestly expected. Generation 8 brought us a giant open field of exploration, and the Isle of Amor expanded that out to an entire, tightly designed, training island to explore. Generation 9 brought the entire game world into the open world, free camera, realm and it slides in just about as well as everyone who has been begging for this believed it would. Rather than give us routes that slowly get tougher, the sectors of the game world are split into levelled regions that players are free to explore at their leisure, and the total elimination of grass encounters means that every single Pokémon is rendered in the game world- imparting a requirement on the design team to be mindful of habitats and thematic consistency, which the game tackles in an admirable attempt.

However, there are draw backs. Whilst I still don't think the Switch is the ideal whipping boy for all of it's problems, it's hardware limitations are no doubt the reason why the game has an abominable draw distance for entities; you'll see Pokémon pop into existence less than a yard from you, and literally feet in front of the player when mounted on the mascot legendary. Pokémon still lack that level of coherent intergration into everyday life that we see demonstrated beautifully in Detective Pikachu, and somehow even with these new deign philosophies all the world's Pokémon still feel like little more than pets. In fact, all the towns feel woefully poorly designed, with wide open nothing spaces one would anticipate from a high-traffic MMO hub-town and not a breathing and living space in a mostly single player game that you are expected to frequent. And don't even get me started on the loading screens! The academy was a nightmare to travel to for all the poxy loading screens!

Curiously, there aren't loading screens into battles anymore. (Which blew me away to realise was still standard until literally this entry.) And the ability to sneak up on Pokemon actually enables a 'stealth Pokeball' move which initiates combat with an initial catch-rate bonus, actually promoting clever use of shrubs and approach angles for those most infuriating-to-catch mons. There is genuine thought that went into evolving the Pokemon playstyle, and if the team were given more than the bare minimum amount of time to get it done, I suspect the released product would have felt a lot more fully formed. As it happens we've had to wait for all the DLC to launch to finally get features that feel like they should have been present off rip- such as the ability to fly on the back of our mount Pokemon, not just glide. But I'm getting into specifics a little early.

The narrative of Scarlet and Violet has the player step into the uniform of a newly inducted student to Paldea's most prestigious, and only, Pokémon school- a giant tower sticking out of the middle of the capital city. As you'd expect from the curriculum of a school set within the Pokémon world, all the school consists of are exceptionally drab (and mercifully optional) school lessons with a memory test at the end of each of them. Thankfully, lessons themselves are not the meat of the game. As soon as you arrive the game gives you a quick introduction, introduces to your rival and best friend- this time wrapped up into the same character: the battle-crazy rich girl Tomboy Nemona- and sets you loose on a free form narrative in the vein of Breath of the Wild or Far Cry 5. Now I'm not typically the biggest fan for this style of narrative because it always seems to sacrifice any situational momentum and all opportunity for agency building in favour of 'choose as you go' objectives who's only benefit is the ability to drop them on a whim like an ADHD struck child. But in the case of a Pokémon game, there isn't much story to jeprodise in the first place- so it actually works to the game's advantage.

The progression of the narrative is split into three paths that are equitably spread across the game's giant world to ensure you visit everywhere on your journey to championhood, with the level of the local Pokémon in each region presenting the only actual roadblock to progression. You have the challenge battles against the mysterious Team Star, former problem students that are shirking lessons for a secret reason that becomes blindingly obvious upon your first investigation because this game was written for children. The typical 'road to championship' which pits you against the world's gym bosses in order to qualify for a shot at the top position, which feels impressively not-important this go around of the game. And finally the investigation into the mysterious giant boss Pokemon from a different time period that are scattered across the plains, which are tied to the game's unique gimmick: Terrestrialization.

One of the more gimmicky, but still fun, aspects of Gen 8 was the Dynamax and Gigantamax forms of Pokémon that ballooned Pokémon up to giant proportions and powered up all moves to type-specific superforms. They were typically only useful for dens, as the animation to summon them took so long, but the desire to hunt all the special 'Gigatamax marked' variants with their special form-altering giant mode was enough to keep me interested. Terrestialization offers precious little in the way of collectible potential, but is admittedly a lot more sensibly balanced. It's a power up to a single pre-picked element type which makes STAB attacks more powerful and weaknesses just as buffed. There are no special forms outside of those adopted by the cover-exclusive Pokémon in the DLC, and the animations to summon them are still painfully long. At least the dens are better this time around.

Dynamax dens were a bit of a joke in Gen 8. Terra Dens are a lot more serious in Gen 9. Terra Dens are four person raids against powerful raid Pokemon powered up by Terra effects and pumped up with periodic stage effects it can whip out for free at certain timer and health parameters. It also employs a painfully strong damage shield halfway through the fight which is a pain to whittle down without taking advantage of type advantages, your own terra-charge and, to be honest, as much STAB as possible. At the top most end of them, the limited time 7 star dens, these guys are pretty much unbeatable without a team of properly built Pokemon, creating genuine end-game challenge which I hope sticks around in future Pokemon titles. I like the idea of having high-level endgame content that isn't just player Tournaments- it stimulates the adventure.

This adventure counts itself as rather unique to the Pokemon games that came before it, in that the front cover Pokemon is not the end game boss. Actually, the front cover Pokemon is your partner throughout the entire adventure. (albeit only for mounting purposes. You have to unlock their fighter form.) They are basically bikes for the player to ride atop of, capable of swimming, climbing walls, gilding and, at the end of the very last DLC, flying. And good lord is this the optimal way to get around in Pokemon from this point forward. Even the instant fast travel of Sword and Shield started to grate after a while, gliding across valleys and sprinting down canyons is just a much more engaging way to travel, even when there isn't a great lot to be looking at along the way. The fast mode of transport makes the largely plain features of the Paladian landscape actually somewhat forgiveable.

Of course, with all this travelling you'll be doing there would need to be a moment of rest, which is where camping returns with a suitably Spanish-coded variant of the cooking activity- Sandwich making? (Is- is that particularly Spanish?) Once again, we've had significant improvements in this mechanic. Sandwiches are built according to a recipe piece by piece and the player is required to balance all the ingredients on the base loaf and stick the top on without anything falling off- which of course become more difficult for higher level sandwiches. But the rewards are impressively worth the hassle of ingredient sourcing! You get timed boosts for certain damage types, increases to Egg production rates, (Breeding is now done entirely in camp. The convenience is nice but it takes so long that Shiny egg hunting is pretty much dead.) buffs to capture rates which are invaluable for some of the painful Legendary capture rates added in the Indigo Disk and, only available via special ingredients so rare I've literally never found a single one of them in my entire playtime, increased shiny spawn rates! These are all really great buffs!

'Convenience' really does seem to be the 'modus operendi' of the system design for this game, and whereas for most average gamers this improvements seem rather obvious and trite, to us long-suffering Pokemon fans these are tinctures of the god's own juices! You can have a Pokemon remember a move from your menu, without hunting down a hospital! You can change Pokemon names from the menu! Teleport from the map, save anywhere, camp anywhere, throw out your Pokemon independently so it can do auto-battles for you to gather Pokemon resources- the new currency for TM cloning which makes casual battling worth while. Pokemon Scarlet and Violet feel like Gamefreak speeding towards reaching modern game design values so fast that they tripped over and hurt themselves along the way. And though the scraped knees are a little ugly to look at, and they're hobbling about with a limp now- it's so good to see them in such form! Pokemon feels modern- mostly. And I'm here for it!

And yet, Gamefreak always do manage to veer in some directions that irk me. For one, they are pushing really hard in the 'play with friends' angle in a franchise that is traditionally rather solitary. (If I had friends, I wouldn't be pretending to have them in Pokémon- now would I?) The aforementioned 7 star dens can be almost impossible if everyone doesn't know what they're doing, the Orge Ousting minigame for The Teal Mask is genuinely unbeatable without 4 players, the annoying BBQ grinding minigame for The Indigo Disk receives insane multipliers for group play (which is actually non-sensical. They already get more BP because all group side quest rewards are unified, shouldn't the solo players get the extra profitable bonus missions for balance purposes?) and there is one evolution that simply won't occur unless triggered in another player's world. This would all be fine if Pokemon Scarlet and Violent had any modern matchmaking standards but... that's where the team ran up dry. Outside of Raid Dens it's all 'Link Code' matchmaking. No joining randos. A real kick to the nads for players like me. Makes us feel unwelcome.

In it's basic narrative wraps the story of Scarlet and Violet around the mystery of 'Area Zero' and the 'time paradox' Pokemon who all appear to be variants from across history brought into the modern age. (The future or the past depending on your version.) It's a pretty loosely tugged on narrative thread, even more so now that Pokemon splits it's narrative efforts down three paths, and events only really pick up in the final act where the professor of your game finally drags you down into a thematically really exciting looking finale, with no weight behind any of it because you know next to nothing about the area, the mystery of the terra Pokemon, or even why your Legendary Pokemon has a special place in the story. It's not even unique, this is the first Pokemon game to present two capturable versions of the franchise Legendary. (It allows you to capture one and trade to complete your Pokedex, but narratively- it slightly knocks you down.) The actual meat of the story was left, presumably, for the DLC to pick up on.

The Teal Mask was the first DLC released in the early months of this year and it introduced the player to a field trip that took them to the land of Kitakami, one of Gamefreak's weaker locations in visual design. It's kind of just a small Japanese town with a mountain range, there's no real individuality beyond those basic geographical elements. Rather than touch on the narrative of the main game at all, this DLC focuses around the legend of the mountain Ogre and builds up the Legendary's... well... Legend to a degree that the main game lacked. It also introduces us to two new best friend characters in Kieran and Carmine, which seems bizarre given that the main game already had a cast who don't show up in either DLC. What, is Nemona busy having dreams about when she next gets to ambush me for a Pokemon battle? Is Penny hiding for fear of another tongue-assault from Koraidon? Thiers is a pretty bizarre omission. At least the Ogre ousting minigame is fun, if solo player exclusionary.

And finally, the second half of the DLC slate: The Indigo Disk. An excursion to the Blueberry Academy off the coast of Unova where you, an exchange student, embark on a mission to battle some sense into the emotionally broken young brother of your Nemona-replacement, I mean 'Carmine', following the events of the Teal Mask. I'm quite impressed with how the DLC's were able to maintain a consistent narrative and the characterisation of Kieran's descent into obsessive perfectionism was rather well done, if hugely derivative in the anime space of storytelling. (It might have been more impressive if they didn't get it right with all the reference material to 'borrow' from.) The tighter focus on this one plot point does wonders with enforcing what actually matters to the story- which is why it is so galling then that the ending chapter is so bad. Having you finally address 'The Hidden Treasure of Area Zero', which was the naming convention of the pack we bought to access this content, the game proceeds to unveil nothing.

I wish I was kidding, but this game's final chapter must have been written by the same screenwriter who penned 'The Secrets of Dumbledore' because there is no narrative substance to this 'hidden treasure' whatsoever. The Legendary, Terapagos, is given absolutely no build up. No backstory. No explanation as to it's connection to the Terrestialization phenom that is said to be the entire purpose of the study into Area Zero. Nothing is resolved by your capturing of Terapagos aside from the 'goodening' of Kieran and it leaves the story of the entire game in a kind of weird limbo state of non resolution- closing out nothing of significance to the world. And speaking of non-satisfying conclusions- I'm sorry to say that despite the recent eye-brow raising trend of requests from fans, (fans who I assume are hopped up on Baldur's Gate 3) Gamefreak have not introduced the ability to rizz up characters from the game. Sorry, Rika fans. Nemona stands. Penny lovers. Dendra simps. Carmine Carers. Pokemon just ain't that sort of game.

At the very least we have a secret hidden epilogue scene where you are caught in an inexplicable time paradox with the real version of your version's professor whereupon you initiate a paradoxical time loop by instilling in them a curiosity to begin the studies that you will later become involved in to learn about Area Zero to being with. A cool idea if it wasn't so slapdash and poorly explained. (Clever concepts don't quite work unless their presented... you know- in a clever way!) We do know there's an 'as of yet' unannounced secret hour of content with a brand new Mythical Pokemon at the end of it waiting to be unlocked, presumably with the next few months, but I doubt they're going to get around to patching the flapping maw of void that is this game's finished story. Such a shame that Gamefreak failed to stick the landing even in a story as basic and straightforward as this one.

Scarlet and Violet is easily Gamefreak's most ambitious game to date, and it's in the spirit of that ambition that I feel softer on some of it's rougher elements. The rendering failures, the arguably empty feeling world- the nowhere narrative is less forgivable, but they had a lot on their plate- maybe they forgot to actually sit down and do the writing until the last week or something. Still I was actually surprised about how much Gamefreak had to pull out of their sleeve in order to make the free world plains of their first totally open game not a boring waste like a Ubisoft Far Cry game. Paldea has personality and charm, and I genuinely enjoy travelling around it on the back of my winged Pokemon. (I have Scarlet.) Barring the excessively rough launch, I would have to call Scarlet leaps and bounds in the right direction. But there's still a prevailing sense of the developers not being quite there yet. Pokemon is still a few generations off from it's 'masterpiece' game that nails an identity for this franchise down- but if every generation evolves leaps and bounds like this one does- I'm certain that game will come out someday. In that spirit I'm willing to grade the full version of Scarlet and Violet, DLC included, a solid B- Grade, which is much improved from the C- I was looking at for the base game before the more focused DLC snippets brought everything into cohesion. I think we're 80% of the way there to a revolution for this franchise, I can feel it buzzing on the air... maybe next game?

Mario has quit Mario

 Mario must prevent Mario from becoming Mario.

How to be petty

 And make enemies.

We've all been in the mires of our own, probably earnt, derision. You've made a choice, it's been the wrong one, and the consequences are probably just and fitting- but that doesn't mean we have to like and accept the hands we've been dealt. Not at all. In fact, I'll bet that most of us will grumble and whine whenever it comes to eating just desserts, but in our hearts we handle it, because it's what we served up to ourselves. So even when it came to reminding Kotaku exactly why it was that Nintendo were blacklisting them for coverage of the new 'Tears of the Kingdom' Zelda game, I could see a sliver of sympathy their way, because I understand that frustration. Senior staffers should probably maintain a little more professionalism to be sure, but I'm not heart-broken and affronted just because one got a little crazy up on the mic stand. Of course, then there's pettiness.

Pettiness is like the disease that sets in if the illness of 'perceived misjustice' goes untreated, the lowest level of discourse we're all in danger of descending to unless we check ourselves and are allowed to be checked. Be a punching bag for as long as Kotaku has been, however, and humble pie beings to lose it's taste, the skin hardens to slapbacks, the brow thickens against the emitted rays of distributed sensibility. Pettiness is the seductive call of the Id, tugging against sense and reasonability, railing against good sense and posture, seeking to drag you down to that primordial state of slime. Class and gusto would rally our hearts against such primitive pleasures- maintain the higher sensibilities of high-functioning humans. But we're not all subject to class and gusto, else we wouldn't have that font of 'journalistic integrity' know as Kotaku to being with, now would we?

To set the stage, Tears of the Kingdom has been kept staunchly under wraps by Nintendo until very recently, with a few gameplay videos and now early impressions gifted to trusted outlets. (Of which Kotaku is no longer a number thanks to reasons I've discussed in other blogs.) I'd imagine that these 'trusted outlets' are about to be subject to severe investigation in the very near future, however; because the worst has come to past and Tears of the Kingdom has broken the street date, leading to leaks and unsanctioned impressions already hitting the internet. Now of course, being who they are, Nintendo are in panic mode trying to plug these leaks as fast as they can, and most outlets are watching from the sidelines hoping that blame for this deluge breaking through the dam of the review circuit doesn't land on their doors. But for the already punished Kotaku, I guess they feel immune to consequence and integrity.

Because lo-and-behold, Kotaku took it upon themselves to document and present every bit of learnt leaked knowledge they could about Tears of the Kingdom and present to their 'millions of readers'. Yes, mere days after whining that Nintendo wouldn't play with them anymore, the business spits in the face of the big N by profiteering from their misfortune on a public stage- that's just about the height of unprofessional conduct and further validation, if it were ever needed, for Nintendo to never even consider re-establishing cut contact. Any illusions of being atop some form of high horse, for merely being an outlet of something resembling news, is shattered by this- the highest form of gossip rag. Kotaku might as well go around following industry professionals and making creepy bitchy posts about them. Oh wait... Kotaku already has history doing just that... Why do we consider them mainstream again?

Now am I going to say that this a crime against common decency? What kind of hypocrite would that be for the man who watched the GTA 6 leaks like an addict searching down a gram of crack? Reupload the leaks for all I care, do whatever makes you happy and those that want to spoil that experience for themselves will have accepted the consequences. I question what the point is when the game is literally around the corner, but leak enjoyers play by their own drum set. But there has to be a point where you realise that you lose the moral high ground with your actions. You can't whine about how mean Nintendo are treating you, and then piss on their upcoming game publicly for all the world to see. In fact, that should probably elucidate anyone who still tolerates your company as to exactly what breed of 'professional' they're dealing with.

And what's more, we already know just how litigious Nintendo are and can be. Stepping on this landmine of a situation is frankly just an asinine direction to take oneself as an 'apparent' purveyor of news. Not in the pursuit of anything hard hitting or standing up to the tyranny of oppression, but in the vain pursuit of appeasing personal vendettas. Within the bible of journalistic ethics this is pretty much the absolute pits of 'do not do' conduct. But Kotaku have sailed past the boat of integrity a very long time ago it would seem. If this doesn't earn that a cease and desist at the very least I will absolutely flabbergasted, because the relationship between publishers and content creator's is a fragile alliance at the absolute best- a draw bridge held up by mutual begrudging trust. If anyone is going to burn that bridge and ruin things for everyone else; it's going to the selfish and petty cretins who squirm about the Kotaku offices.

Of course, 'Leak Culture' in general is a little of a snippy topic, isn't it? Leaks for video games can, at the wrong times, be worse than a scuppering of marketing efforts- in the worst instances they can lead to entire games being canned for being seen before they were ready. Some leaks drive a stake through the heart of developed work and the worst of the worst can compromise a game's code before the title has even had the chance to hit shelves. Engaging with that is like wrestling with your own heart and asking how much you're willing to bear whilst still being able to sleep at night and recognise the mug in the mirror. As a moral hotpot, I guess it's no surprise that an institution like Kotaku spared no expense in leaping face first in that mire to get a whiff of it's prize in return for quick and cheap clicks.

Kings of their mountain of trash, the folks over at Kotaku squirm and wiggle like rats- and once again they bring down the bar of all their compatriots with their antics. The fact that Kotaku ever grew as big as it currently is remains a total mystery to me, but I know well the effect they've had on culture. Thanks to them, any bizarre games journalist drivel has a knee-jerk attachment to their rag, even when it originally belonged to someone else. I have to check everytime that the Miles Morales review quote wasn't from their staff, because the team are just so darn notorious for it that I have to. In the currently world we're in the sway of 'intuitions' is evaporating, and it's the arse end of Kotaku that reveals exactly what these people are when backed into the corner. Opportunists. Rats. And self-righteous hypocrites. Let them starve, I say. What them eat themselves alive.  

   

Kotaku and the ballad of Nintendo

 Just desserts?

The relationship between journalist and corporation is forever one rife with conflict and disagreement, even in hobbyist journalistic fields. (Although ideally; considerably less so on the 'friction' angle.) It is in the mantra of the hobby journalist to report on news and in the general best interest of companies, even gaming companies, to keep a handle on the proliferation of information out to the world. You know, lest leaks start dripping. (That has sunk a fair few games in the past on it's own.) Sparks of indignation can rustle when two opposing materials collide, a friction that has the potential to spark industry wide turmoil if it lands in the right powder keg. Afterall, what headline gets blood boiling hotter than 'evil company censors hard hitting journalist for just striking where it hurts'?  The journalists in these situations are always the beleaguered underdogs who are forever in the right and merely being picked on for their shining dedication to their almighty journalistic integrity... right? That is... that is the direction we're going with this... isn't it?

Well this conversation really rose up around about the time of the previews for the upcoming title which I'm becoming gradually more painfully obsessed with, the video game tie-in adaptation of King Charles' coronation: 'The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom'. (I wonder if Charles is going to blow half of London up into the sky to exist as floating chunks; really nail in the comparison.) During this time you'd see various outlets post their thoughts on the new Zelda, brimming with bushy tailed anticipation and sizzling with enough nerd stank you can smell it through the computer screen. Except one of the stankiest game journalist sites of them all, ol' Kotaku, got nothing. Now all the millions of readers who come exclusively to Kotaku for their gaming news, presumably during 'free internet hour' at the psychiatric ward, won't get to hear the insightful prattle of their favourite website!

I mean, isn't it just increadibly 'unprofessional' (to use that contributor's words) to blacklist a news reporting site from doing their job? What kind of backwards games developer actively antagonises the associated press? Why, that's grounds for high censorship! And what's more, it really would be Nintendo who become the despotic news censor's, now wouldn't it? Tyrannical monsters they are: kicking over lemonade stands, rubbing playpit sand in their fan's eyes, and locking one man in wage slavery until his death- at which point I can only assume that Nintendo will try to sue to have his descendants pick up on the 10 million debt. They aren't good people at Nintendo. But... I mean Kotaku were also blacklisted by Bethesda, Ubisoft and the Final Fantasy IV team so... you know at some point you really need to look around and ask who is the common denominator in all of this.

Oh wait, I guess that would be the Kotaku people themselves, wouldn't it? Pariahs from the community slowly working their way up to becoming pariahs of the industry too- it won't be long until all their articles are self-indulgent diatribes into the meaningless personal squabbles of the editorial team. Sure, you could say I insert myself into this blog a bit- but I'm also this blog's only contributor and reader, I'm pretty sure I can do whatever I want here. When you have the responsibility of 'millions of readers', as they boast, and industry level access- there's a certainly level of professionalism you are expected to maintain. Oh, there's that word again- 'professionalism'. You know, there's a fairly universal proverb that says 'what goes around comes around'. The same energies you put out are returned. If Nintendo are so very 'unprofessional' with their blacklisting conduct, would it be fair to assume that Kotaku may have made a few significant blunders back at some point in their muddy journalistic career as a glorified scream rag?

Well, that was that time when Kotaku went around posting leaks about a recently announced Nintendo product... but then everybody does that these days. But to give the N some ground, Kotaku were a force given access to pre-release Nintendo content for review purposes, who then simultaneously believed it utterly within their rights to post content opposed to the wishes of their business partners. That is... questionable conduct to say the least. But on the otherhand, I do understand how hard it is to be objective journalists in an industry that relies on industry access to be relevant. But then, Kotaku has never been about objective journalism, so that pyre the company tried to place itself upon is a bit of an ill-fitting seat of bark and dust if you ask me. Honestly, I think of the 'leaking incident' more as- the straw that broke the already affirm and ailing camel's back. As for the other luggage? Well... 

There was that one insanely 'unprofessional' time when a Kotaku contributor, following the early days of the much-anticipated Metroid Dread release, posted an article directly calling out how well the new Metroid game ran on emulators. I'm talking in the release weeks here. They went over how non Nintendo-system owners might run the game on their hardware, talked about how powerful enough systems could squeeze out higher resolutions than what Nintendo could offer on their Switch, and although one might argue that he could have been advocating for a legal acquisition of a copy of the game to simply extract it's files, and legally acquired BIOS files from a Switch console, (Both difficult files for a simple casual reader to acquire. Pirated files could be found much easier.) the sign-off of the article literally thanks god for pirates.

And in typical Kotaku fashion, the company took no direct responsibility for the obvious rake-step moment. The original article was headed by an eye-wateringly pathetic intro telling theoretical Nintendo Lawyers to simply not read the article in the most "I watched Avengers and I just love that flippant dialogue!" way imaginable. And when the unthinkable happened and Nintendo Lawyers actually did read the article, entitled after one of their games on a page read by millions who were literally instructed on illegal ways to play this recently released game, (and even mentioning how this method is a preferable way to play old Metroid games over giving Nintendo the money. I'm not saying their wrong in that regard, but damn.) Kotaku had the brass iron balls to turn around and apologise if anyone got the wrong impression about what the article was really promoting. Lying through a Great Wall of China size set of dentures, it would seem. And Nintendo bought none of it.

Which brings us to today. Early impressions for the new Zelda game have already landed on every outlet that had the brains not to try and cross an increadibly and legendarily litigious game developer whilst Kotaku sulk in the corner still taking no responsibility for their own actions. By the very act of bemoaning the ban, they simply call back to memory all the reasons why those pissed-off developers shouldn't trust them, and along the way whilst other developers should probably be wary of the stream-of-conscious rant-blog-of-a-website. Making mistakes is one thing. Making multiple mistakes is a few more things. Crossing your arms and blaming the world for misunderstanding your unrepentant and indignant self is just bordering on asinine. A perfect tagline for Kotaku if ever I've heard one.

Nintendo are scary

 Nintendo is Weird

Nintendo is supposed to be the happiest place on earth... wait- actually that doesn't sound right... Well, Nintendo is supposed to be a bastion of childlike mirth and innocence at the very least. A repertoire of creative love-imbued high-polish games that bring people together in party mechanics or excite the mind with wild adventures that travel to the highest peaks of imagination. They're a soft edged company in the perception of their appearance, catering always for that underserved sector of the gaming industry who tend to be younger or less violent and dramatic than the Xbox and Playstation fans of the world. And you might be forgiven for believing that perception reflected somewhat on the company behind the mask- but of course you would be dead wrong for making such an assumption. Because Nintendo are no meek-mannered gentle uncles- they're tyrannical monsters.

Surviving at the height they have for as long as they have, you would expect a children's game company like Nintendo to have hardened just that little bit- but every now and then, when Nintendo stirs from the throne-like a lion at the head of it's pride, we catch the glint of their razor sharp claws and gulp like bound and primed gazelle's caught in the crosshairs of the midday sun. And make no mistake, we, as consumers, customers and fans; are the prey to Nintendo's fury. Just because people out there love and revere the works of the big N, does not mean those people are any more significant in the cold yellow eyes. In fact, given their conduct, I'd think it much more likely that Nintendo find themselves actively disgusted by those who become attached to their products; as though the wisps of unrequited love are themselves deeply revolted by the heartless stone guardians of the Nintendo pantheon.

I mean afterall, we're still living in an age where Nintendo will, on a dime, randomly lash out at content creators on Youtube for making videos about their games in a manner not exactly in line with how they wish. I'm not talking about trailer reuploads or 'OST Compilations', (even if Nintendo have a painfully bad track record of compiling those OSTs in their own time) I'm talking about the actual fans who build Nintendo loving communities. Just the other day we heard about a Youtuber who had all their Zelda content struck off their channel in the lead-up to the release of 'Tears of the Kingdom'- seemingly a reaction to the fact he occasionally hosted some harmless looks at rudimentary 'Breath of the Wild' mods- that itself being akin to the most heinous sin for Nintendo.

Not so long ago we heard another story in a similar vein, where Nintendo's irrational fear of anyone playing a Nintendo game in a way not explicitly expected by the team reared up in a bizarre fashion. Two hosts of a Nintendo internet fan show, officially licenced by the team, proposed a Nuzlocke challenge Pokémon series for views and were nearly defenestrated from the building for their hubris. Nuzlocke, a simple challenge without any modifications whatsoever where players simply eject every knocked-out Pokémon from their party instead of reviving them, (with some other flavour rules thrown in their for extra challenge) poses no threat to Nintendo or the sanctity of their published software- but it does demonstrate some form of love for Nintendo products- which I guess upper management over there interprets as an act of war.

Speedrunning is another side of gaming culture that Nintendo would kill in a fire if they legally could. Again, Speedrunners don't actually change anything about the games they play- they don't edit the gamefiles most of the times- they just race each other to complete games as quickly as possible. Of course, Speedrunning does, by it's very nature, lead to the discovery and exploitation of glitches which breaks Nintendo's number one rule: 'Don't have fun in ways we didn't explicitly intend'! I also expect that Nintendo get bothered whenever they see an industry that makes any sort of monetary gain for playing games that they published without them ever seeing a hint of that income- even though Speedrunners can hardly pay to sustain themselves off the odd glitch bounty here and there. But Nintendo aren't exactly nuanced, now are they?                                                                                                                                                                                             

And then there's the tournament scene. Super Smash Bros. has been holding home-grown tournaments for as long as the game franchise has been breathing, and Nintendo have been spitting fire on them ever since. Despite the oodles of passion that goes into making every Smash Bros. packed with layers upon layers of intricacies and heighted skill ceilings to master; in Nintendo's eyes these are party games and any effort to create a competitive community is a direct violation of their moralistic code. And if you think I'm exaggerating- just take a look at all the events over the years that Nintendo have directly attempted to supress or even shut down; with the latest example nearly tearing apart the hard-built competitive circuit that fans, entirely independent of Nintendo's help, built entirely out of their love for the game being played. Wow, what vast threats to the brand.

Which brings us to those that really do irk Nintendo; such as those hackers who were discovered doing the terrible crime of jail-breaking Nintendo Switches and selling those consoles on. They made a pretty penny, and paid with it with their entire life. (Pretty much) The ringleader of this collective was served a 40 month prison sentence which, upon completing, is going to be merely the start of a lifelong servitude as a wage slave of Nintendo as this man will surrender 20% of his revenue to the big N until he dies. If they got their way, Nintendo would have probably had the man tarred and feathered before being set on fire. This is the true face of the friendly plumber company and it's cadre of family-first party games. They are tyrannical, they are vicious, and they are vindictive.

Time and time again the very draconian efforts of the Nintendo company have either creeped out fans or squashed the growth of dedicated communities altogether, and still we run to them because there are no alternatives. Here's one; stop indulging them! But that'll never happen. Unless the entire company falls from grace as completely as Ubisoft regularly does, (god forbid) we'll always be putting up with a long line of downright antagonisms against their community with impunity; because that's the power of being at the top. Who could have possible guessed that their history being forever tied with the gambling profiting of Japanese organised crime, the Yakuza, would still be colouring the 'family friendly' video game company to this very day! Actually... I guess that makes sense from that perspective, doesn't it?