There's nary a less sure bet than labelling the worst or best of something to come out any given year, unless you're calling Baldur's Gate 3 the best of the year because come on: in this industry who really has the gumption to try and match it? And yet still I thought pretty set in my ways about the fact that Gollum earnt that spot through blood, sweat and pixels: toiling in the mines to create the worst gameplay loop, the least engaging narrative, the shoddiest visuals paired with the choppiest experience. Gollum took a concept that made people raise their eyebrows and proved even the grandest sceptic wrong with just how pointless of an idea the game was. As sad as I am about the fate of the development studio being shut down, as I believe more indie developers settling into niches is an overall boon for the industry as a whole, I also can't disguise the fact that Gollum was fundamentally atrocious at a core level. Surely there would be no-one to match up!
"No. There is another!"
Initially I called it deeply unfair to compare the messy and ugly presentation of the advertised 'Skull Island: Rise of Kong' game with Gollum for the sheer fact that they appear to be vastly different sizes of productions. Gollum was created with the aplomb and expectation of a AAA product, irregardless of the actual provided resources to live up to that expectation, whereas Skull Island looked bargain bin from the word go. But now that both games are out and we've seen them to their extent, I'm starting to really compare and contrast as strongly as I can and I don't think it's a 'recency bias' thing anymore- there might be a genuine claim on the title of 'worst of 2023' by 'Rise of Kong' which Gollum might not be able to win out on. At the very least, we can credit both these games for making Forspoken look like a sparkling masterpiece of this year by comparison. I would say we owe that game an apology... but no. I'm not apologising.
First off I want to dispel the 'excuse' that either of these titles are 'movie tie-in games'. Back in the day we used to have games that were developed to tie-in with movie releases that, in hindsight, were destined to be poor due to the fact that game design takes a lot longer than your average movie production, so their inevitable deadlines were impossible for any development team to effectively work with. Movie tie-in games gained a reputation for mediocrity with an inbuilt sympathy for that fact- neither of which should apply for these two games. Gollum was not based on any movie, nor beholden to the release of any other piece of Lord of the Rings literature. Right from the outset the team were very clear how they based their inspiration purely on the book and how the game was independent of even the recent Amazon show, their failures are their own. And Kong? There isn't even a movie called 'Skull Island: Rise of Kong'! The connections are tenuous at best.
When it comes to the actual gameplay loop of Kong, I find myself at odds. Whereas Kong's dinosaur slapping is objectively awful to low-budget mobile game standards, it was at least envisioned to be somewhat entertaining. Gollum's fetch quest chains are a step more competent, but that just comes with the added knowledge that some developer with knowledge of what they were doing intentionally designed some of the well-known most boring content imaginable. What is worse, to fail thanks to general ineptitude or to fail when you really honestly should have known better all along? I suppose for effect it would be the former, but the latter stings harder. Potential wasted is a more potent poison in my mind I guess.
Graphically Kong takes the cake. Gollum might look ugly as sin, with horrendous 2D PNG cardboard cutout background models, but at least there's the semblance of assets and some vague idea of artistic planning there. Kong is a scam in that regard. (And most regards, for that matter.) It's environments are awash with hideous colour combinations that look like a low-cost Star Trek set in it's worst eras, the maps are completely unhinged jumbles of nothing- as though put together by toddlers- and just about every asset is considerably worse than what can be found for free on any half-decent Asset store. I would not be surprised if you told me the creators of this game were teenagers who had never touched design before, but I'm told this is actually the same team behind the recent 'Avatar' game so... wow, some people are just born thieves.
There is no story to speak off beyond the initial narration, and altogether it's shocking to see something so pathetic at an actual $38 price point. It would be shocking to see this game at any price point, they should honestly pay us for having to deal with all that trash! It's galling to think that the actual Kong movie tie-in, Peter Jackson's King Kong, blows this one out of the water in content, competency and visual fidelity. It's no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, but it's like night and day compared to 'Skull Island'. And when did that game release? 2005. 18 Years ago. What kind of world do we live in when that is even a comparison that can be made? One where some psychotic executive out there is obsessed with keeping Gamemill afloat.
How is this a mostly negative game? Because misery loves an audience and the sheer spectacle of what Kong is will be enough to drag in the curious heads who'll pump enough pity purchases to recoup the $10 spent on development. This is why I'm all for those indie companies that get started up by ex big studio devs, because when you allow talentless nobodies to vomit their work out for the public to see it gives a bad name to independent companies the world over. Gamemill are an embarrassment, some call them the modern day LJN. And honestly... yeah, that's what they are. 'Ludicrously Juvenile Neanderthals', utterly and bewilderingly incapable of providing decent output to the licences they somehow keep acquiring. You know what? The conspiracy side of me is saying that these idiots are actually industry plants designed to make the paltry offerings of Ubisoft and it's ilk look somehow worth it. Nice try, but crap compared to crap is still crap, Mirage!
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