Poppy's Movie deal

 The Horse hasn't even woken up yet.

Don't you just love it when media unexpectedly goes cross platform without any indication whatsoever and you're left wondering if this was ever a sensible decision ever? Isn't just a magical moment to find out that a video game is headed straight for the silver screen, or the small screen, and all we can do is grind our nails praying that they don't mess things up too bad? It's just a bundle of fUn. It's like Schrödinger's Jack-in-the-box with a light stick of dynamite added in the equation, we all know what's coming is going to a surprise, probably a unpleasant one, but we just have to wait and see if its going to blow up in everyone's face. On one hand we could end up with a beautiful disaster like Netflix's DeathNote adaptation, or we could end up with something unwatchable like the eye-wateringly boring, now comes with sex scenes, Halo Paramount show. But here's a question, where exactly on that scale do you think a prospective Poppy movie would wind up?

That's 'Poppy's Playtime' if you didn't know. That bare basic horror game crafted by a studio of Youtube Minecraft parody animators which, most crucially of all, isn't actually a completed product yet. Although that initial 'game' might have seemed like a tech-demo, what with the only interesting part of it being the animation of the 'Huggy Wuggy' doll, with the entire rest of this experience being a mostly generic atmospheric walking simulator. But if you've hung around the horror indie scene for the last few years you should have known where this was going. The game picks up some traction and so this idea which only really had legs for a single story suddenly balloons into something episodic just like 'Bendy and the Ink Machine', 'Fears to Fathom' and 'Hello Neighbour'. (Kind of- with the way that the Alphas all built up a mystery for the full release to totally sink.) So episode 2 of Poppy is actually out already, but does that warrant a movie deal?

No. Obviously not. Why would anyone in their right mind consider Poppy's Playtime ripe ground for a franchise when it's narrative promise is so held up by genre tropes that the developers are bumping heads with the clouds? I'll tell you why; because it's popular. Say what you will about MOB games, but they are absolutely not in this industry for the love of the game and make no illusion about that for us. The second their initial episode tech-demo thing started to pick up that slightest whiff of traction, the steam coals of 'industry' started burning and the world was up to it's ankles in merchandising. Cuddly plush toys, Tees and hoodies, Posters, an enamel pin set, three Youtooz's, and if you're really lucky you might have snatched up one of their super exclusive NFTs. Yes, MOB games reached into the pits of hell and fashioned NFTs out of 'the sins of the damned' in order to squeeze money out of these 10 minutes of fame. Of course they're going to be seeking a movie deal!

Remember how lethargic the movie industry is, always greenlighting projects whilst the development schedule is already several years backed up, requiring existing dockets to be totally revised, projects pushed forward and back, and ideas that are popular today getting their movie years after the moment has gone. Remember the Slenderman movie? That came out in 2018. Five Nights at Freddy's got into negotiations for a movie so long ago that since then the franchise has forgone numbered entries altogether, development has moved to an actual full-blown studio and Scott Cawthorn as been cancelled for questionable real-life decisions that he deflected with all the wit and intelligence of a Kardashian spawn. The world has totally moved on from FNAF, and we're still waiting on that, no doubt awful, movie. Maybe by securing their movie deal now, at the cusp of their fame, MOB are hoping the thing might enter actual production by the time the game disappoints with it's final episode and interest starts leaking out of the franchise like through a sieve. (Not to get ahead of myself, but I've seen this back and forth before; it's a bit of a forgone conclusion.)

But what movie studio is involved with this anyway? Who have MOB games managed to enthral with the promise of easy movie riches? Beloved company Studio71 of cou- who the hell is Studio71? Well they don't have a wiki page and their website makes me feel ill to look at; but for what I could bare to glimpse at before I spent the next hour doubled over the toilet being violently sick, they sort of look like an influencer management firm. At least that's what I can ascertain from their website banner touting influencer-themed accolades such as '1# US Youtube Partner in Minutes Watched', '18,000+ channels with 13b+ monthly views' and '500+ advertising partners'. Which says to me that these people have absolutely no connection with any movie studio of worth and are either high-profile middle men that felt the need to put out a press statement regarding the project (which would be pretty out of the norm for middle men) or they're looking for a little bit of lateral business growth with this virginal foray into professional movie producing. (Everyone's gotta start somewhere.)

With that context this 'movie deal' at least makes a bit more sense. I couldn't imagine anyone in Hollywood taking a chance on something that isn't a transcendental success just yet and which is unfinished, but a company with a foot in the Influencer world is going to better understand the potential of a currently purely online audience and the need to strike while the iron is hot for flash-in-the-pan trends like this 'franchise', not to sound callous, probably will be. Remember that at the heart of Poppy's Playtime is just a play on the 'evil toys from defunct toy company' archetype from FNAF and Bendy, only with less nuance. Which doesn't mean the concept can't become something more of it's own with enough care and effort put into growing this world out some more, but MOB games literally tried to start a NFT brand in order to package the lore bit 'Mommy is coming' to paying fans. I don't think they've got some undiscovered junior Shakespeare locked up in the writing room waiting to turn this game into his opus.

The way I see it, this is going to be a slapdash rush job to try and hit all the profitability vertices at once and get out while the going's good. I don't forsee any long storied history for this franchise to compete with likes of FNAF, that isn't the style of this team anyway. Remember that these guys make their living as Minecraft animators who typically parody FNAF characters in MC format,(occasionally with suggestive thumbnails) they're about chasing trends rather than building legacies. I have a bitter sort of respect for a grind like that, it's about as honest as it is distasteful to some. And I have to be frank, I kind of want to see the sort of trainwreck which is going to come out of a cheap screamo horror movie born from inexperienced producers working with nothing but matchsticks and pleasant dreams. This might just be such a disaster it's worth watching!

Unfortunately they missed the moment to hire Nicholas Cage to be in their movie. He already made it into a cheap FNAF rip-off movie so that eclectic talent probably won't have time for the 'indie horror game becomes movie' scene twice. But every actor has to have a morbid curiosity for the doomed to fail somewhere deep down, right? I propose that Studio71 drums up some of the copious monetary funds they're racked in from those supposed 'more than half a thousand' advertisers they work with, and sink it into getting a big face- (I'm talking Pedro Pascal, Tom Holland- oh! I bet they could pick up Amber Heard pretty cheap these days!) and utterly embarrass them on screen with a trainwreck production that is totally belittling to their talent. It would be a harmless prank that everyone wins from; Poppy gets it's obligatory bad movie, big name actor X gets a suitable pay day and the audience get to come away with 'I can't believe they were in a movie like that!'. I've already given you your basic gameplan Studio71; hit me up and I'd be happy to go the next step and line out a script and everything!