Chaos is here

 And most wish it wasn't, apparently

Lo and behold, after hardly believing it to even be a real game: Final Fantasy: Stranger unto Paradise- around of Paradise- inside of- whatever that stupid title is supposed to be- has landed! And can I just say that no one is more ecstatic than I? Not that I'm actually sitting around looking forward to a game from the guys who inflicted Nioh upon me, (I still haven't recovered from that game) but more that I'm tentatively anticipatory for the meme potential of this utter writing travesty. Intentional travesty, as far as I can tell; there's no way you write characters with lines like these unintentionally, but it stands as perfect mocking fuel whatever the guiding heart behind the words. If Metal Gear Rising Revengence can prove so transcendent that even now, nine years later, we're still memeing on it; then I think Jack's Mad Chaos Murder Bender can certainly squeeze out a couple of years of thigh slappers.

And before we set off on the wrong foot here, I think it's important to say that I do acknowledge that Stranger beneath Paradise has managed to score some positive impressions when it comes to raw gameplay. Much as I would expect them to, coming from a studio who once put together the Nioh games which play fantastically. (my gripes with that game don't touch the raw gameplay at all.) I mean, it only makes sense that Team Ninja are going to bring their considerable talents with them wherever they go, so that even a title which is bumrushed into a Final Fantasy game by the excitable lunatics at Square Enix will hold some basic merit to it. Could you imagine a studio renowned for their action gameplay putting out a title that totally sucks in gameplay, presentation and playability? That would be crazy, it would- well, I guess that would be Platinum Game's Babylon's Fall, now wouldn't it? Huh... (It didn't have to be that way...)

Speaking of, can we talk about how weird it is that this game started off as a completely original brand which got twisted into this new 'Final Fantasy: Origins' franchise? I know that's not exactly unique on the landscape of maintaining game franchises, but it's still weird to hear about it happening. Like how the original concept for Resident Evil 4 ventured so far away from the series' routes that the team just got permission to branch off and rebrand the game as Devil May Cry. Isn't that wild? (You're thinking about how similar Dante and Leon Kennedy look right now, aren't you?) But there's something especially weird about this happening for a title which is supposed to reimagine the origin of the entire Final Fantasy brand. Providing context to an originally bare bones game so that new avenues of lore can be explored; it really sounds like the sort of thing you'd expect to be expressly commissioned and watched over by the series arbiters like a thirty eyed Malboro. But then again, I guess people do tend to play it somewhat loose around the FF titles nowadays; given that they've let FF7's remake bloat up into an unwieldly 10 year project.

Paradisiacal Strangers, on the otherhand, is just one kick ass action game with tons of monster dungeon delving, some cool class systems, (called Jobs. Yes, they bought back Jobs) and customisation so that we can make our generic-looking protagonist man slightly less or more generic-looking, depending on how we're feeling that morning. There are enemy types here that are indicative of classic Final Fantasy monsters, which still fills me with that sense of excited wonderment I felt back when they were doing that same thing with Final Fantasy XV; yet here they look and feel even more robust. On it's face, this has everything it needs to be an absolute rocking Final Fantasy game which successfully boots the franchise into the action genre which it has never truly thrived in before. From this vantage point, it's only a matter of time before the inevitable Final Fantasy Soulslike is made. Piano version of One Winged Angel? Yes please! But I guess this isn't a just world.

At it's launch Paradise Falling Strangers ranked on the list of top 5 worst selling Final Fantasy spin-offs of all time; and when you consider that there are over 50 Final Fantasy games and only around 20 of them are mainlines (including sequels like Final Fantasy XIII-2) that is an absolutely damning slap in the face. The only Final Fantasy games which have sold worse are those three Chocobo Spin-off games that I only just discovered existed when reading up for that Chocobo GP blog. (Kind of makes me want to play them now. They're like lost FF gems. Assuming they're any good.) Whilst 'Theatrhythm Final Fantasy',  'World of Final Fantasy' and 'Dragon Quest & Final Fantasy in Itadaki Street Portable' rank higher. (No word on how the Kingdom Hearts franchise fairs up, nor my arch nemesis: 'Chain of Memories'. >Blearg< I spit on that name!) Now to be fair these are numbers coming from Japan because America and some other western territories don't release sales numbers, and one might point out that Dragon Quest typically outsells Final Fantasy in Japan anyway. (I will not make any sweeping statements about an entire country's taste for RPGs based on that knowledge, but know that I'm thinking about it.) But it's rare to see any major discrepancies with sales figures across seas when we're talking about a JRPG; so indications point to this being a bit of a major flop. But why?

If I had to point fingers, and for the sake of this blog let's presume that I do; I'm going to be honest, that reveal trailer made this game look trash. I know we joke and meme about the amount of times the dude said 'Chaos'; but that single introduction, seething of B-movie cheese, was enough to make the non FF diehards just write this game off as more trite nonsense. Despite the genuine talent behind it, despite the global superbrand printed on the box! And for that first impression to knock off some points, it only teed up the game for another hit once the reviews started coming out and they were less than stellar. The game isn't a disaster title, but it's not anything special worth rushing out for. It's just good enough, which doesn't meet the threshold requisite to wash out the taste of week-old cheese that clings to this game.

And that is despite that raw meme value which is no doubt responsible for at least a few impulsive purchases. I mean that one scene alone of seeing Jack let someone pour her heart out to him before dead-beat responding "Bulls***" pumping a Limp Bizkit song through his headphones and storming off moodily is pure gold. And if I told you that scene is literally indicative of Jack's attitude for a good half of this game's scenes, tell me that doesn't make you at least a bit curious as to what this game is about! But clearly that's value we expect to pay off for the brand in the far future, because it's not making dividends anyday soon. Not only is this sad, but it's confusing. How did the Nioh guys make something so reportedly bland? Is this a self fulfilling prophecy of people who went in expecting the game to be bad and thus have brainwashed themselves into thinking that it is? Or is this Square Enix leaning on the team to keep to the 'mostly disappointing' standards that Square have been confusingly maintaining for the past year?

So we have ourselves an unfortunate dud that just makes us want to exclaim "Bullsh***" and play our edgy rock music as we storm out of the death castle. And can I just say what a loss for everyone this is? With this failure it might mark the end of the budding Final Fantasy Origin's subseries before it even had a chance to shine. Which means we're not going to get that Final Fantasy VII origins game featuring Zack that you just know Tetsuya Nomura was rubbing his hands for since the word go. (The freak.) Or that potential FF XIII origins game, where they'd finally have a chance to execute that ultra ambitious Fabula Nova Crystallis crossover they were building up all those years ago. (I just wanted to see Noctis from XV face-off against his pretty boy clone Ace from Type-0 whilst Lighting cosplays as 2B or whatever the heck 'Lighting Returns' was supposed to be about.) What a loss this world has endured.